[cthulhu] President Nyarlathotep Is Simply Engaging in Classic “Mad Outer God” Negotiating Tactics … ‘But—and just hear me out here—the American voters did resummon Nyarlathotep because enough of us remain enthralled by his unfettered madness, wanton cruelty, and nonsensical brinkmanship. This is classic Negotiating 101 courtesy of the Faceless God himself! Sure, he may have kicked it up a notch from “sheer madness” to “abject depravity,” but that’s for the pundits to debate. That said, yes, it seems like the promise to “fill every womb with salt and every testicle with spiders” is sort of backfiring.’
[epstein] Trove Of Emails About Pedophilia Reignites Nation’s Love Of Reading … ‘“I didn’t realize how much I missed the simple joy of losing myself in words until these massive tranches of sex crime files were released,” said Indianapolis resident Greta Livingston, adding that she now spends the hours she used to waste on social media curled up on the couch and completely absorbed in the lengthy communications between wealthy child predators.’
[batman] Some links on the children’s rhyme “Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away!”
Jingle Bells (Batman Smells): an incomplete festive folk-rhyme taxonomy … A wonderful analysis of the many versions of Batman Smells. ‘As some of you know, I work in lexicography but came to this work via a science background, and it felt very much like what I was looking at was taxonomy: an evolutionary tree if you will, with certain characteristics conserved between different forms of the rhyme, while mutations cause changes which are selected—or not—by the playground troubadours, and die out or spread, to mutate again.’
The Secret True History Of 'Jingle Bells, Batman Smells' … ‘So, children of the 1960s would’ve been used to hearing several different (and politically charged) versions of “Jingle Bells” by the time Batman had his TV debut. What’s most noteworthy about “Jingle Bells, Batman Smells” is that, once invented, it’s persisted in the public consciousness right up to this very day.’
REYNOLDS: Do we want sexual tension on a board game cover for eight-year-olds?
SMITH: We want adult tension. The tension of brains. If anyone sees sex, that’s on them. We’re not responsible for the public’s imagination. We’re responsible for moving units in Woolworths. Gary, I see what you’re going for… a Cold War posture: mutually assured… embarrassment? You probe, they conceal, you infer, they flinch. Gorgeous.
REYNOLDS: Jesus. All that from colored pegs and a plastic tray?
[movies] Grandchildren Politely Decline David Cronenberg’s Bedtime Story Offer … ‘Assuring the 82-year-old filmmaker they could fall asleep perfectly fine without one, David Cronenberg’s grandchildren politely declined their grandfather’s offer to tell them a bedtime story, sources confirmed Monday. “Oh, that’s okay, Pop-Pop—we’re so sleepy already,” said 7-year-old Liam Cronenberg, who forced a yawn and rubbed his eyes as his 4-year-old brother, Mason Cronenberg, nodded vigorously in agreement from the adjacent twin-sized bed…’
[politics] Beware the Liz Truss chatshow: viewers will require survivor therapy … John Crace watches Liz Truss’s new YouTube show so we don’t have to. ‘For her new Liz Truss Show, she appeared to have turned her utility room into a makeshift studio. No expense incurred. Though she did have someone to do the filming this time. Albeit a 12-year-old intern doped up on ketamine. I’ve seen better editing on my dad’s home movies from the 60s. We opened with a montage of Lizzy’s greatest hits. There she was being greeted by the queen at Balmoral. Huge mistake. She doesn’t seem to realise that the entire country holds her responsible for the queen’s death. The last photo we saw of the queen was of Truss being introduced to her on the Tuesday. Two days later she was dead. Case proved. It’s not hard to imagine the queen thinking: “You know what? It’s just not worth it any more. My first prime minister was Winston Churchill. Now it’s come to this…”’
[ai] OpenAI Usage Plummets in the Summer, When Students Aren't Cheating on Homework … ‘In May, ChatGPT users generated an average of 79.6 billion tokens per day — compared to 36.7 billion for the same period in June, when schools typically let out. Interestingly, there were some dips during the school year as well — which just so happened to line up with weekends.’
[comics] Area Man Has Far Greater Knowledge Of Marvel Universe Than Own Family Tree … ‘Sundling reportedly reread several issues of Moon Knight recently and found himself enjoying the subplot of the hero’s romantic involvement with Tigra, it is believed he did not realize his cousin was dating anyone until he received an invitation to the wedding. “I guess Andy had been engaged for a while,” Sundling said of his cousin Tom, whom he has met on 26 separate occasions and once spent two weeks with at summer camp but routinely confuses with other relatives.’
[tv] “From Here?” … John Hoare traces a joke’s journey from a James Bond movie through 1970s British TV mainly. ‘The tale surrounding this is well-known by now. Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais did some emergency rewrite work on Never Say Never Again, coming in three weeks after the film had started shooting, and staying with the production for three months. Of course, they nicked the above joke from their own Porridge, and both writers have openly and repeatedly discussed this.’
[tv] ‘Partridge is more popular than me – that’s a given!’ Steve Coogan on Alan’s glorious return … An interview with Steve Coogan promoting his new Alan Partridge series. ‘[Coogan] tells a story of arriving in his trailer to find a blue, checked Aubin and Wills shirt to wear while playing Partridge – which was identical to the one he was already wearing. “I did take mine off and put the other one on, even though there was no one to witness me. There was a time when I was writing with Armando and Pete when I’d say something as myself, and they’d just write it down as Partridge and it would irritate me. Now the Gibbons do it all the time. As you get older, you realise it’s all gravy.”’
47. Being stuck in a cab in New York rush hour traffic – “You don’t understand,… I
have to be there by 4.00!” – “Hey, mac, it’s rush hour, we ain’t gettin’ there til five,
so relax.” – “BUT I HAVE TO BE THERE BY FOUR!!!”
[life] New Evidence Suggests Dinosaurs Would Have Driven Selves To Extinction Through Greed And Complacency Anyway … ‘It appears they were already developing the rudimentary traits for corruption needed to exploit each other. This, combined with a genetic predisposition toward pillaging the earth with no regard for tomorrow, would have derailed the ecosystems that sustained them just as effectively as an extraterrestrial object colliding with the planet and setting in on fire.’
[life] The Onion: Study: 97% Of Average American’s Day Spent Retrieving 6-Digit Codes … ‘“Our findings suggest that U.S. residents spend roughly 23 hours each day—or 160 hours every week—attempting to log in to online services, being told they need to check their phone for a six-digit code, and then entering that code into the website or app for verification,” said lead researcher Andrew Singh, adding that many Americans have to skip meals and forgo showering in order to find time to read and transfer over the hundreds of codes needed daily to access their medical records, work emails, and food delivery accounts.’
[life] 100 Men vs. 1 Gorilla: Primatologists Explain Who Would Win … … ‘Most silverbacks would much rather take a nap, eat some good food, play with the kids, take another nap … gorillas know how to live a pretty good life, and none of it is wasted wondering if they could knock out 100 humans’
[chris] Misspelled Acomb sign proclaims 'Chris is Risen' … ‘A church was presented with signs reading “Chris is risen” after a mix up at the printers. Acomb Parish Church, in York, had ordered four banners saying ‘Christ is Risen’ but the ‘T’ was missed off the finished article.’
[maga] Musk Announces All 340 Million Americans Must Strip And Take Turn Pushing The Wheel Of Pain … ‘Of course, not everyone is going to like the fact that they will be expected to push nonstop without food or water until they collapse from exhaustion and are crushed under the wheel. But the point of this is not to make everybody happy. It’s about making the tough decisions and sticking to them. Say what you will, but ultimately we’re all going to have to submit to the terrible Ring of Blood whose cleansing agony none may escape.’
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[tags: Funny, Life][permalink][Comments Off on On this Spot, 1st April 1780…]
25 March 2025
[world] Nadir Of Western Civilization To Be Reached This Friday At 3:32 P.M. … ‘Experts predict that the penultimate catastrophe will occur at approximately 7:15 p.m. Thursday night, when the social networking tool Twitter will be used to communicate a series of ideas so banal they will instantaneously negate the three centuries of the Renaissance.’
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[tags: Adam Curtis, Funny, TV][permalink][Comments Off on The Hidden Meanings of Camberwick Green, Mr Benn and Bagpuss]
20 January 2025
[woke] Wokeipedia … A list of things that the right have claimed are Woke. Chicken sandwiches are woke:‘Gen Z are almost as likely to include continental cheese (48%) as they are English cheddar in their sandwich. This compares with just over a quarter (27%) of baby boomers.’
[tags: Funny, Music][permalink][Comments Off on Cover of Everybody Wants to Rule the World in Classical Latin]
7 November 2024
[horror] If Horror Movies Reflected Your Actual Fears … from McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. ‘The Wicker Man – You’re staying in an isolated village. Its only pub is hosting a karaoke night.’
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[funny] Martin Luther’s Ninety-five Theses, as E-mailed by Your Passive-Aggressive Co-Worker … ‘Seriously, I don’t mean to be a dick about this, but we might look into changing our policy. I understand wanting to get the new St. Peter’s built, but have we considered having a bake sale? It concerns me that we’re maybe not serving the public by letting the wealthy buy their way into Heaven, but I don’t know. Best, Martin’
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10 September 2024
[onion] Everyone In Restaurant Jealous Of Toddler Who Gets To Wear Pajamas And Watch iPad … ‘“I can’t believe this! He doesn’t even have to talk to anybody or pay attention to what’s going on around him—he gets to just sit and watch Bluey,” said Ray’s Italian Bistro patron Finn Delamore, echoing the sentiment of dozens around him who reportedly couldn’t help but cast longing looks at the 2-year-old whose eyes were glued to the screen in front of him, his hands clasping a bright red toy fire truck.’
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9 September 2024
[internet] Are you TIRED? LONELY? DEPRESSED? If so, please consider joining a NICHE ONLINE COMMUNITY! …
[tags: Food, Funny][permalink][Comments Off on ASMR Cooking Video with Hannibal Lecter.]
24 June 2024
[dads] Trolley Problem Variations for Dads … Another list from McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. ‘Dad is given both options of the Trolley Problem. But as he begins to think it over, he keeps saying, “This is exactly like the Kobayashi Maru!” He then spends so much time explaining how Captain Kirk cheated to win the scenario that he never pulls the lever.’
[music] Hear the Song Written on a Sinner’s Buttock in Hieronymus Bosch’s Painting The Garden of Earthly Delights … ‘Several years ago, the Internet became excited when an enterprising blogger named Amelia transcribed, recorded, and uploaded a musical score straight out of Hieronymus Bosch’s The Garden of Earthly Delights, painted between 1490 and 1510. The kicker? Amelia found the score written on a suffering sinner’s butt. The poor, musically-branded soul can be seen in the bottom left-hand corner of the painting’s third and final panel, wherein Bosch depicts the various torture methods of hell.’
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[relationships] Satanic Couple No Longer Has Shared Dark Vision For Future … ‘She and Dane hadn’t felt that first blush of unspeakable perversity and evil in quite some time. “As I became more interested in animal and human sacrifice, he started immersing himself more in his esoteric texts and dark arts that he says will unleash death and madness upon the world. So we really don’t have much to talk about anymore. We had planned on giving birth to the Antichrist someday, but he keeps trying to put it off by saying we have to wait until a blood moon rises on the winter solstice.”’
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[blog] Diamond Geezer’s Saturday … A day in the Life from London’s best blogger. ‘1pm – Lunch is a very important part of my Saturday. I might head to the latest streetfood nirvana and try my luck with a spicy chilli dog, a twisted falafel wrap or a mini pistachio crêpe – Kerb at the Gipsy Hill Taproom is always a winner. Or I might just open a packet of Mini Cheddars.’
[onions] Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades … The Onion’s parody article about razors and marketing is 20 years old! ‘People said we couldn’t go to three. It’ll cost a fortune to manufacture, they said. Well, we did it. Now some egghead in a lab is screaming “Five’s crazy?” Well, perhaps he’d be more comfortable in the labs at Norelco, working on fucking electrics. Rotary blades, my white ass!’
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2 February 2024
[lego] The Complete, Surprising 8 Year History Of The LEGO Poop Piece … ‘Moving forward, LEGO would continue to use piece 6275030 as both shit and food in multiple Friends, City, and Jurassic World sets. Basically, whenever a monkey, dinosaur or dog was included in a set, LEGO would chuck in some poop, too. It became a staple of animal sets, alongside some desert sets as well. Was this done to save money? Was this a mistake? Or did someone at LEGO find it funny that all these cute minifigs were eating poop?’
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[tags: Books, Funny][permalink][Comments Off on McSweeneys: All the Types of Science Fiction]
29 December 2023
[cartoons] Tom Lets Out Weary Sigh After Walking Into Kitchen and Noticing Cheese Grater Isn’t Part of the Matte Painting … ‘Viewers of Tom & Jerry, while still eager to see Tom get hurt, were sympathetic to how resigned he was to his fate. “Don’t get me wrong, that cheese grater looked gnarly and he absolutely had it coming,” cartoon enthusiast Katie McLaughlin said of Tom, whose only crime was trying to catch a pest that lives in the walls and eats his owners’ food.’
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[lovecraft] Phoning It In: 4 Times H.P. Lovecraft Tried To Describe An Unspeakable Cosmic Horror But Basically Just Described A Goose … ‘It walked upright like a man, yet it was clearly a beast. The thing’s leathery feet did not have the normal five toes that we humans have. It had FEWER than that. It had THREE toes. And yet, I hesitate to even call them ‘toes,’ for each digit was connected to each other by some sort of skin-like film. It was like some perverse spider had spun webs between each toe for some inscrutable reason known only to the mad gods that dream their furious dreams on the remotest fringes of forgotten galaxies.’
