linkmachinego.com

June 12, 2013
[lovecraft] Lovecraft Actually Move Poster … by *DrFaustusAU on deviantART

Lovecraft Actually - Very Cosmic, Very Horror.

June 10, 2013
[funny] Man On Cusp Of Having Fun Suddenly Remembers Every Single One Of His Responsibilities … more from the Onion

Platt, who reportedly sunk into a distracted haze after coming to the razor’s edge of experiencing genuine joy, fully intended to go through the motions of talking with friends and appearing to have a good time, all while he mentally shopped for a birthday present for his mother, wracked his brain to remember if he had turned in the itemized reimbursement form from his New York trip to HR on time, and made a silent note to call his bank about a mysterious recurring $19 monthly fee that he had recently discovered on his credit card statement.

“Everything’s fine,” said the tense, mentally absent man whose girlfriend asked him what was wrong after his near-giddy buzz vanished and he remembered that he hadn’t called his aunt yet to check up on her after her surgery. “I’m having fun.”

June 5, 2013
[life] 7 Habits of Highly Successful People’5. Polo’
June 4, 2013
[comics] Silver Age Superman – An Early Pick-up Artist? … Is Superman using his powers to neg Lois?

Superman / Lois / Super Dickery

May 30, 2013
[politics] The Conservative Party Insult Generator … from The Poke‘Mad Loon, Unwashed.’
May 23, 2013
[life] Technically…

Is A Glass Always Full?

May 20, 2013
[bond] His Name Is James Bond … a Youtube video adding some very funny lyrics to the James Bond theme … ‘Because I’m suave it’s okay for me to act like a prick.’
May 16, 2013
[books] Funny Reviews Of Mr Men Books On Amazon‘In his third work, Mr Happy, Hargreaves takes us on a Jungian journey to the integrated self. The story starts by introducing us to the supposedly perfect life that our eponymous hero appears to live – the tranquilized bliss and counterfeit euphoria of Happyland. Yet what is it that leads Mr Happy to wander away from an existence that, if truly flawless, should suffice to satisfy and sustain him? Why this need to venture deep into the mysterious unknown of the forest? To open a door in a tree-trunk and descend a staircase beneath the ground to the deepest recesses of the unconscious?’
May 7, 2013
[funny] I Lived With John Humphrys – He Was a Nightmare‘He used to sit me down and make me watch Fort Boyard. “Look at her,” he said, pointing at Melinda Messenger. “Have you seen such a thing? She has eleven O-Levels.” And then his breathing went all funny.’
May 3, 2013
[web] After Checking Your Bank Account, Remember To Log Out, Close The Web Browser, And Throw Your Computer Into The Ocean … some good computer security advice from Chase Bank … ‘If you’re using a publicly shared computer at a library, for example, additional precautions are required. Before logging in, raid the library’s artifact collection and grab the sharpest object inside—a sword, bayonet, or antique letter opener will do. Then repeatedly stab everyone who’s in the building, preferably in the neck, as you never know which one of them might look over your shoulder while you’re online. Once they’re incapacitated and bleeding out, simply hop on the computer for your session…’
May 2, 2013
[tv] Law & Order’s Fakest Websites … great supercut of all the fake websites used on Law and Order … ‘Laffy Time Kids Club – a magical land of fun, games and sexual assault.’
April 23, 2013
[blogs] Ms. Attribution … a tumblr that mixes up historical figures with quotes and song lyrics …

False Ted Bundy Quote

April 22, 2013
[comics] Letters of Note: The Rejection Slip … a fantastic series of correspondence from Mad Magazine and a contributor in 1963.
April 15, 2013
[people] Noel Edmonds Biography Condensed

Excerpt from Noel Edmonds Biography

April 2, 2013
[funny] Dalek Relaxation Tape … according to Peter Serafinowicz the Dalek’s have recently released a new-age relaxation tape … ‘YOUR TENSION HAS BEEN EXTERMINATED! EXTERMINATED!’ [via Feeling Listless]
March 31, 2013
[scary] 25 Scary Easter Bunnies Of The Past

Scary Easter Bunny

March 27, 2013
[funny] The Venn Diagram of Irrational Nonsense‘In my gross over simplification the vast majority of the multitude of evidenced-free beliefs at large in the world can be crudely classified into four basic sets or bollocks. Namely, Religion, Quackery, Pseudoscience and the Paranormal.’
March 26, 2013
[books] Meanwhile, in Islington Waterstones… ‘Horror’
March 18, 2013
[funny] How To Get Coments On Your Posts‘My post included cute animals, Chuck Norris, open source software, bacon, Ron Paul, the recession, epic failures, cynicism, Apple and a FREAKING NARWHAL!!!’
March 7, 2013
[funny] The Rules Of The Pool by John Allison

The Rules Of The Pool

February 27, 2013
[blogs] Scarfolk Council … Voted England’s creepiest blog in 1978 … ‘Scarfolk is a town in North West England that did not progress beyond 1979. Instead, the entire decade of the 1970s loops ad infinitum. Here in Scarfolk, pagan rituals blend seamlessly with science; hauntology is a compulsory subject at school, and everyone must be in bed by 8pm because they are perpetually running a slight fever.’

Sing-A-Long IRA Telephone Bomb Threats

February 26, 2013
[guardian] A Comment Generator For The Guardian‘Collecting my oak-smoked Salmon and dry-cured Trout direct from the smokehouse led me to a fascinating chat with the proprietor this afternoon. Quinoa is great in a packed lunch but it doesn’t keep Quentin full for his after-school amateur dramatics. We should all go back to living in communes like they did in Sweden in the 70s!’
February 12, 2013
[valentines] The Perfect Valentines Gift: pre-arrange a funeral for yourself and your partner …

Valentines Advert For Pre-Arranged Funeral

January 29, 2013
[funny] Bad Kids Jokes … amusing collection of nonsensical jokes from children … ‘Why did the cow jump over the moon? Because he wanted to poo all over the moon.’
January 28, 2013
[funny] Get Insulted By Martin Luther‘We leave you to your own devices, for nothing properly suits you except hypocrisy, flattery, and lies.’
January 8, 2013
[disease] Charlie Brooker On The Norovirus:

The fascinating pitter-patter of stomach contents against the back of your teeth as a fearsome torrent of spew erupts from within like a liquid poltergeist fleeing an exorcism. The impressive way your backside emits high-pressure jets of hot fluid, like the Hulk squeezing silty boiled water from a Fairy Liquid bottle by clenching it abruptly in his fist. The searing aftermath, as your throat rages as though sandpapered and your anus screams like a scalded button. This is nature in all its raw majesty. Film it in HD, get David Attenborough to record the soundtrack, and you’ve got a Sunday evening treat for millions.’

December 6, 2012
[tv] New Season Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Jumps Forward To Year 2121

“Downton fans around the world will be thrilled with what we have in store for the Crawley offspring and their service drones as they navigate life in the 22nd century,” Fellowes said of the new season, which features eight new episodes and a film-length Christmas special set on a distant vacation crater. “Robert, Earl of Grantham, once saved Downton by marrying the American heiress Cora. Now, new and old worlds collide again as their progeny vie for territory against a proud lineage of space clones who have forcibly invaded the family’s colony.”

November 13, 2012
[war] Pakistani Boy, U.S. Drone Form Unlikely Friendship: ‘An unlikely friendship has developed between a 9-year-old Pakistani boy and a U.S. MQ-1 Predator drone in North Waziristan. “You’d think they would have nothing in common, and yet you see them together all the time, wandering around the countryside hand in wing,” area merchant Siraj Rahmad told reporters…’
November 2, 2012
[funny] Back From Yet Another Globetrotting Adventure, Indiana Jones Checks His Mail And Discovers That His Bid For Tenure Has Been Denied‘Dr. Jones’s behavior on campus has led not only to disciplinary action but also to concerns as to the state of his mental health. In addition to multiple instances of public drunkenness, Dr. Jones, on three separate occasions, has attempted to set fire to the herpetology wing of the biology department. Perhaps most disturbing, however, are the statements that come directly from Dr. Jones’s mouth. Several faculty members maintain that Dr. Jones informed them on multiple occasions of having discovered the Ark of the Covenant, magic diamond rocks, and the Holy Grail!’
November 1, 2012
[life] 30ft effigy of Lance Armstrong wearing a Jim’ll Fix it badge to be burnedBonfire Society members said it was not easy to choose Armstrong, who had all his results from August 1998 removed on the recommendation of the United States Anti-Doping Agency and banned from cycling for life. Society co-ordinator Charles Laver said Savile and hook-handed cleric Abu Hamza were ruled out, as was Chancellor George Osborne for being “a bit boring”.
[comics] Bizarro Back Issues: Dracula Fights The Silver Surfer Because of Reasons (1976) … Chris Sims analyses a weirder than usual issue of The Tomb of Dracula‘I will take issue with the Surfer’s dialogue on the cover about Dracula being “the most deadly horror the Earth has ever known.” Believe me, I will be the first one to agree that Dracula is a pretty bad dude, but the Silver Surfer used to hang out with a guy who literally ate planets to survive. Dracula eats people, yes, but on his best day, I really don’t think he could eat six billion of ‘em at once. Not that he wouldn’t try.Case in point, our story opens with Dracula doing what Dracula does, which is attempting to eat a young lady, calling everyone around him fools and dolts, and then flying off in a huff…’ [via Sore Eyes]
October 31, 2012
[halloween] Concrete Zombie Garden Gnome … available to buy on Etsy. Happy Halloween! …

Zombie Garden Gnome

October 30, 2012
[blogs] Jean-Paul Sartre’s Blog

This morning over breakfast S. asked me why I looked so glum.

“Because,” I said, “everything that exists is born for no reason, carries on living through weakness, and dies by accident.”

“Jesus,” S. said. “Aren’t you ever off the clock?”

October 28, 2012
[bbc] BREAKING NEWS: BBC 2 declares War on BBC 1‘Fierce hand to hand fighting at BBC Television Centre escalated into a mortar battle in the early hours, as BBC 1 responded with heavy rounds of rocket fire, killing four Newsnight producers and prompting an application for voluntary redundancy from a fifth. Blue helmeted health and safety officials tried to separate the fighters, but were unable to produce the correct paperwork, and were asked to leave at gunpoint by privatised security staff.’
October 17, 2012
[comics] The Avengers vs. Batman‘And you, Mr Wayne… take away your Batsuit and what are you?’
October 15, 2012
[comics] The Credible Hulk

October 10, 2012
[london] London’s top ten rude roads‘Bellenden Road, Peckham, SE15.’
October 8, 2012
[comics] Wisdom Of The Ancients‘Who were you, DenverCoder9? – WHAT DID YOU SEE?!’

XKCD Cartoon

September 29, 2012
[funny] Haters Gonna Hate

Haters Gonna Hate

September 25, 2012
[funny] A Speculative List Of Jay-Z’s 99 Problems‘#73: Disparity b/t morning coffee preferences in combination with Beyonce insisting that they have breakfast and coffee together every morning leading to being ‘forced’ to drink watered down, half-caff coffee maker coffee, rather than the preferred full-strength french press coffee.’
September 24, 2012
[funny] The 13 most enjoyably passive-aggressive WiFi networks in the short history of WiFi

Amusing WiFi Network Names

September 22, 2012
[funny] Newborn Loses Faith In Humanity After Record 6 Days‘Though he has not yet developed the capacity for speech, extensive cognitive testing has definitively shown that the shockingly perceptive 6-day-old fully understands and accepts that human beings cannot be trusted, that they remain far too ignorant for their opinions to be reliable, that a lack of self-awareness about their own destructive tendencies pervades the species as a whole, and that most are too ineffectual to successfully pursue even the shallow self-interested agendas that rule their lives.’
September 12, 2012
[comics] With Great Power Comes Great… ‘WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!’
September 6, 2012
[comics] The Daily Mash: Men torn between Anna Karenina and Dredd 3D‘Sure Dredd 3D will have heads exploding in slow motion, customised motorbikes and flamethrowers, but Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina is a classic portrayal of forbidden love with a timeless social message.’
August 29, 2012
[comics] The Adventures Of Sexy Batman

Sexy Batman and Catwoman

August 22, 2012
[funny] Jacob Von Hogflume Blue Plaque‘Inventor Of Time Travel’

Jacob Von Hogflume Blue Plaque

August 20, 2012
[comics] ‘Jesus, What Is It Now?’ Says Man Putting Down Swamp Thing Comic To Answer Phone Call From Wife

Throughout the brief phone call, Bogen repeatedly said “uh-huh” as he scanned the story that showed Swamp Thing ripping gigantic, finger-like roots from the earth and causing the lake to empty out and wash away the vampires in a rush of water.

“Yes, I am listening,” added Bogen, focusing entirely on Alan Moore’s prose, which switched the point of view to the pained thoughts of the vampires as the surging water peeled the rotted flesh from their skeletons. “Of course I want to hear about it.”

“Tell me when you get home,” Bogen added.

July 13, 2012
[comics] Comics Not Just For Kids Anymore, Reports 85,000th Mainstream News Story‘The incredibly perceptive and original article also specifically mentioned the work of writer Alan Moore, an obscure reference point that has only been used in every single article like this ever written.’
July 10, 2012
[comics] Economically Healthy ‘Daily Planet’ Now Most Unrealistic Part Of Superman Universe‘The Daily Planet—which for some strange reason has not been acquired by multimillionaire Lex Luthor with a promise to give readers shorter articles with more sizzle—is so deeply woven into the Superman universe that they had no choice but to avoid the comic altogether. They said even the most exciting stories are routinely marred by absurd depictions of a publication that somehow flourishes in print and whose millions of loyal readers seem oblivious to the idea of getting news online faster and for free.’
June 20, 2012
[tv] William Shatner confirms Devon town actually prostitute free‘One knowledgeable Register source confirmed that Ilfracombe is indeed prostitute free, but full of “dodgy brummies and scousers who are too dodgy for Liverpool”. He added the “toilets up on Oxford Grove” had been shut down because of immoral activity.’

« Newer Entries Older Entries »