[my inner voices use URL’s] Must… keep… hands… away… from… keyboard! Must. Not. Buy. BUDDY CHRIST!! [via lukelog]

[saville] plasticbag.org covers the the whole Saville hoax transcript meme… [#1] [#2] ‘Anyway. Such a document is clearly legally dubious at best, and since there is no evidence attached to the e-mail, it would seem logical to try to assume that it is entirely spurious as well. (In which case, of course, you would be talking vast potential libel damages.) But the strange thing about this particular meme is that most people who received the letter in question (including me – and I consider to be extremely cynical about chain e-mail) thought it to be at least plausible.’ [Interesting fact: If you type “Saville Hoax” into Google the first item you get up is a directory entry on Chris Morris. Hmmm….]

[jesus loves you] Good Lord! Christian sandals with Jesus Loves You written on the soles! “As I was thinking of more ways to reinforce goodness, God instructed me to cut out an old inner tube and glue the letters SUSEJ SEVOL UOY backwards onto the bottoms of sandals. When I was finished, it was raining. I walked outside and up onto a dry wooden deck and left JESUS LOVES YOU all over the deck. It was awesome, and I knew this was a wonderful new way to spread the good news.” [via ChrisH]

[chegwin porn!] My referrer logs tell me that many people come to LMG to look for naked pictures of Keith Chegwin… which always makes me laugh. Apparently he’s refusing all requests to show clips from the gameshow he appeared nude in again and according to BBC News a video of the program is about to be released which he will make a hefty profit from. LMG will link to the video as soon as it’s available. :) [Related Links: Channel 5 criticised in Commons, Original LMG posting, Original notsosoft posting]

[photo] Image of Cary Grant taking LSD. ‘Patient Cary Grant. From a vision, a tough inner core.’

[crazy world] Kids — Just say no to drugs and spiders. ‘roommate bitten on the penis by a spider. spider is a tarantula and did draw blood. victim’s breathing is fine, however he is very afraid. victim: aaron jarva. upon arrival of ambulance 162, victim stated he had taken 2 grams of crystal methamphetamine.’

[maggots! eating my flesh!!] newsUnlimited covers larval therapy. ‘A paper released last week from specialists at West Cumberland hospital in Cumbria could make them think again. Twelve patients with serious, “sloughy” leg ulcers took part in the study; six of them were treated with conventional hydrogel therapy, six with larval therapy (a more reassuring term for maggots). After one application of maggots, left in the wound for three days, all six of these patients were left with clean wounds. Of the others, only two had clean wounds after a month of treatment, with the other four needing further medical attention.’

[domain-name craziness] How Network Solutions, Inc. made me a child pornographer — everybody with a domain name registered should read this. “Even more disturbing, I have no way of knowing if my name has been attached to other sites featuring objectionable material. Indeed, the only reason I learned of the present situation was because a pervert in Germany was so anxious to obtain kiddie porn that he mailed a letter to a complete stranger 5,000 miles away. That’s scary.” [via Flutterby]

[movies] What it says on the tin — Soup goes to the Movies. ‘In a comically wrenching scene, Ewan McGregor plays Mark “Rent-boy” Renton, preparing to detox himself of his heroin addiction: “Relinquishing junk. Stage one, preparation. for this you will need one room which you will not leave. Soothing music. Tomato soup, ten tins of. Mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold. Ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of. Magnesia, milk of, one bottle. Paracetamol, mouthwash, vitamins. Mineral water, Lucozade, pornography. One mattress. One bucket for urine, one for feces and one for vomitus. One television and one bottle of Valium. Which I’ve already procured from my mother. Who is, in her own domestic and socially acceptable way also a drug addict. And now I’m ready. All I need is one final hit to soothe the pain while the Valium takes effect.”‘

[true] Life is always stranger than fiction… the true story of a runaway princess, an american marine and the US Media… ‘Colbert adds: “no matter what the ending, it’s still a movie.” So is it being cast already? Aloe thought Brad Pitt was “a bit too laid back… Jason is a real John Wayne character, a young Steve McQueen all-American renegade, completely without fear.” Freddy Prinze Jr has already been suggested and Aloe says they want at least one big star, probably male. For the princess, Selma Hayek has already been mentioned and Aloe reckons that Shannon Elizabeth from American Pie would be ideal.’

[vicars] The case of the missing Vicar. ‘Late last week, another churchwarden at St Paul’s, Captain Ian Powe, was arrested in connection with the allegations of harassment against Follett. Powe, who commanded HMS Yarmouth during the cod war, was released on bail and will have to return to Belgravia police station on August 8. He has vigorously protested his innocence. “I used to have an expression that worse things happen at sea,” Powe said earlier this week. “I’m not using it any more.”.’

[bulls] newsUnlimited profiles an English toreador. “The gore, shouts and sand seem impossibly remote two days later, as El inglés – The Englishman, a title he increasingly uses in tourist fights – looks back on his dual career as a toreador and supplier of fitted kitchens in Salford.”

[sealand] More on Sealand…. Wired looks at the company attempting to use Sealand as a secure off-shore data host and Slashdot interviews the chief technology officer managing the project.

[male struggle!] newsUnlimited reports that a clenched fist is the new image of Old Spice. “Vegas has replaced it with a clenched fist as a mark of resistance against post-feminist man’s weakness for effete eau de Cologne and skin balm. “The fist is also a symbol of men’s struggle to be taken seriously by women,” he said. “I prefer to think of it not as a stopper but as five fingers of angst and frustrated male desire.”

[news] Michelangelo’s David has a squint! The trick of perspective – which has taken 500 years to rumble – was a typical stroke of Michelangelo genius, according to Marc Levoy, the computer scientist from Stanford University, California, who made the discovery. He suspects it went unnoticed for so long because David’s more obvious attribute – his genitalia – blinded successive generations to the “flaw”.

[weird science] Two links that prove we have left the 20th. Century: Scientists transplant brain of eel into robot and discover that some things travel faster than light.

[THE HORROR!! PART DEUX] Not So Soft provides a link to an image of KEITH CHEGWIN’S KNOB ON TELLY LAST NIGHT!! [He’s the nude guy in the pith helmet.] Plenty of commentary about this from UK Blogs: Blogging The Line, I Just Type and LukeLog.

[news] The story of Sealand continues in the New York Times [my earlier story] “On Monday, a small international group of computer rebels plans to introduce what they are calling a data haven, perched precariously on a World War II military fortress six miles off England’s coast. They are hoping that the installation, connected to the Internet by high-speed microwave and satellite links, will become a refuge from governments increasingly trying to tame and regulate the Internet.” [via metafilter]

[weird world] BBC News asks: Was Elvis Welsh? “According to Mr Breverton, his roots are in west Wales – the name Presley is related to Preseli – a hill range in Pembrokeshire. Supporting his theory is the legend of St Elvis of Muster who, it is said, baptised St David. Mr Breverton claims the family could well have had links with a nearby chapel dedicated to St Elvis – the only one known in Britain.”

[weird science] Stinkymeat “3 kinds of meat, 19 days, and 1,000,000 maggots, all in the yard of my unwitting neighbor. Science never smelled so bad.” [via Yungee]

[mad world] See mad catapult woman bounce! [Real Audio]

[weird science] newsUnlimited reports that the first hand transplant patient has done a runner. “A criminal past is no bar to being a medical pioneer. What frustrates Owen, Hakim, Dubernard and the other doctors involved is their patient’s unpredictability, the mystery of his whereabouts and his conviction that he knows what is best for his hand.”

[tech] I find this hard to believe: Linux is more popular than sex!

[green] Continuing the gardening theme from earlier in the week…. Gardening is the new sex [stressed-voice-in-my head: What next? Somebody tell me! WHAT NEXT?] Percy Thrower is the new brown?

[weird science] Potato powered webservers… [this one is going to get blogged everywhere]

[another old link] Sam Sloan, ’nuff said… […Good Grief… Dirty Dancing is one of the all time great movies!]

[america] America planned to drop a nuke onto the moon! [I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.]

[conspiracy?] Has anybody noticed that the Doctor from UFO looks just like the Russian President Vladimir Putin?

[ebay] A spooky haunted picture sold on Ebay… WARNING: DO NOT BID ON THIS PAINTING IF YOU ARE SUSCEPTIBLE TO STRESS RELATED DISEASE, FAINT OF HEART OR ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH SUPERNATURAL EVENTS. BY BIDDING ON THIS PAINTING, YOU AGREE TO RELEASE THE OWNERS OF ALL LIABILITY IN RELATION TO THE SALE OR ANY EVENTS HAPPENING AFTER THE SALE, THAT MIGHT BE CONTRIBUTED TO THIS PAINTING. THIS PAINTING MAY OR MAY NOT POSSESS SUPERNATURAL POWERS, THAT COULD IMPACT OR CHANGE YOUR LIFE. HOWEVER, BY BIDDING YOU AGREE TO EXCLUSIVELY BID ON THE VALUE OF THE ARTWORK, WITH DISREGARD TO THE LAST TWO PHOTOS FEATURED IN THIS AUCTION, AND HOLD THE OWNERS HARMLESS IN REGARD TO THEM AND THEIR IMPACT, EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED.

[something fell!] newsUnlimited talks about Space Junk [Text Only] after a large red-hot metal ball falls on South Africa.

[comics] Pretty unbelievable rumour: Michael Jackson and Stan Lee to buy Marvel comics? [check out the “Who’s bad” Section]

[two unrelated links?] Queen’s dot.com shares fall. How Pac-Man and Mrs Pac-Man have sex… [update: Queenie’s shares have rallied as 2.30pm]

[the world only makes sense when you force it to] These three links caused my head to ache yesterday: The Universe is a Holgram? Guh? Mount Etna blows smoke rings? Muh? Finally, a Newsunlimited article about what’s happening about cloning around the world. [Text-Only] Duh?

[just plain weird] The story of Sealand as reported by the Guardian. Basic ingredients: two websites [#1] [#2], an offshore gun-tower seven miles of the Suffolk coast, an eccentric English couple and an international smuggling ring!

[mad] Biblical Action Figures. [via The Invisibles Mailing List]

BBC News reports that the Antichrist is a vegetarian. Guh?!

In my real job I am a so-called “IT Support Analyst” but if this World Weekly News is right — I want to change my Job Title to Witchfinder General!

Merry Chrimbo! This weblog is brought to you by the number: 3.

Satanic Bagpuss! Verily, the first sign of the Apocalypse. Forsooth, it has been written… Satan will known as a silly old bagpuss from NORFOLK WITH THREE — COUNT ‘EM — THREE TESTICLES!! You have been warned!

According to his owner: “He’s never been one for outside. He wasn’t really a ladies man anyway – he wasn’t in to all that. He’s just a bagpuss – an old, saggy cloth cat.”

According to Nasa the Hubble is Space Telescope is powered by THREE — COUNT ‘EM — THREE TESTICLES — I mean 3 Intel 486 Processors!