linkmachinego.com

September 1, 2004
[only.in.america] ‘Vengeance’ swipes cake, eats it, too — man invades house and eats a childs birthday cake. ‘…the owner of the home asked the man who he was, the intruder replied, “I am vengeance. I am the knight. I am Batman.” Then the man went into the kitchen, cut a piece of birthday cake, took it into the living room and ate it. After continued questioning by the homeowner, the man left the house and drove off in a red 1988 Cadillac.’ [via Do You Feel Loved?]
August 30, 2004
[politics] W Ketchup is America’s Ketchup™‘Choose Heinz and you’re supporting Teresa Heinz and her liberal causes, such as Kerry for President.’ [via Neil’s World]
August 9, 2004
[urban.myth] Son of a Gun — another urban myth examined by Snopes‘It seems that during the Civil War (May 12, 1863, to be exact), a young Virginia farm girl was standing on her front porch while a battle was raging nearby. A stray bullet first passed through the scrotum of a young Union cavalryman, then lodged in the reproductive tract of the young woman, who thus became pregnant by a man she had not been within 100 feet of! And nine months later she gave birth to a healthy baby!’
August 2, 2004
[london] Odderection Man — mental health problems or performance art? You decide…

Odd Erection Man, Oxford Street, London
Odd Erection Man, Oxford Street, London

May 26, 2004
[wifi] Nearly Two-thirds of Wi-Fi Users Confess to Browsing the Internet in Their Unmentionables‘In an online poll of 478 consumers in April 2004, 64% of the respondents admitted to connecting to the Internet when just wearing their undergarments, showing the growing popularity of the wireless lifestyle.’ [via Wi-Fi Networking News]
February 20, 2004
[web] Anna Friel Dating — odd dating site – aimed at search spiders perhaps? … ‘Welcome to the Anna Friel dating and romance page. We provide personals and match making for dating Anna Friel interested persons. This is a great place to find love and romance for singles and those marridge minded. Don’t forget to check out the weekly dating tips and advice. This site will help you to date with people who are interested in Anna Friel romance. We have a huge selection of Anna Friel people wanting to meet you!!… If you want to jump straight into the deep end Click to find your Anna Friel partner.’
January 13, 2004
[nature] Penguins’ Pooing Powers Revealed — penguins prove the old saying that “nobody ever takes a shit on their own doorstep” … ‘[Scientists] found they shoot their poo 38 centimetres from their nests. The scientists worked out the penguins’ poo comes out at more than four times the force a human can manage. It might seem pretty gross, but the penguins are doing it to be clean.’ [via BlahBlah Flowers]
January 5, 2004
[spam] Colon Cleansing Spam on the Rise‘The average person contains five to 25 pounds of “waste” build-up in their colon, we keep reading in dozens of spam messages. This can lead to colon cancer, deadly toxins and even ‘parasite build up’. The growing amount of colon-cleansing spam has already led to obsessive debates in some news groups. “Dishwasher detergent works best for me. Any brand,” a helpful reader comments. “If you leave too much detergent on the dishes, it will REALLY clean out your entire alimentary canal”. Another contributor suggest you should swallow a tooth brush tied to a lead sinker.’
December 6, 2003
[science] Ancient Fossil Penis Discovered‘As the discoverer of a new species, David Siveter and his co-researchers provided the name for the ostracode. They have called it Colymbosathon ecplecticos, which means “amazing swimmer with a large penis”.’ [via Interconnected]
October 13, 2003
[POW! ZAP!] Car Owners’ Hero Dresses for the Job — a real-life UK Super-Hero – Angle-Grinder Man – makes the the New York Times … ‘After the interview was over, Angle-Grinder Man strode into the street in full regalia, wheeling the suitcase full of civilian clothes he planned to wear on the train home later. Watching his gold cape glitter and swirl heroically in the afternoon light, Judith Smith, a sales clerk who said she had been following Angle-Grinder Man’s exploits on his Web site, pronounced herself a big fan. “I think he’s extraordinarily attractive,” Ms. Smith said. “Especially the golden knickers.”‘ [thanks Kabir]
August 30, 2003
[spam] Turn Back the Spam of Time — Wired meets the Time Travel Spammer‘Todino believes that if it hadn’t been for an intervention by “the conspiracy,” he might finally have laid his hands on a time-travel machine.’ [Related: Time Travel Spam Example]
July 28, 2003
[comedy] And For Your Encore, Mr Bin Laden? — Jon Ronson meets the Comedy Terrorist who gatecrashed Prince William’s 21st. Birthday Party‘…in the days after the hijack, he seemed to have vanished. So I called his friends. “What’s Aaron like?” I asked the comedy promoter Geoff Whiting. “I can’t lie,” said Geoff. “He’s – shall we say – complex. I don’t want to say more than that. There’s something of the David Icke and the Uri Geller about him. He works on a completely different level to most people. He’s always saying, ‘I’m going to revolutionise comedy.’ He’s a maverick.” “Is Aaron funny?” I asked Geoff. There was a silence…’
March 15, 2003
[comic] Evolution Of A Hip, Ironic Catch Phrase‘Everybody Wang Chung Tonight.’
March 8, 2003
[joke] Aleister Crowley explains Magic …

”There were these two men, sharing a railway carriage. They didn’t know each other. They just happened to be travelling together. One of the men had, resting in his lap, a cardboard box with holes punched in the top. After some time spent contemplating what might be inside his travelling companion’s box, the other man at last could not contain his curiosity. He said, “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help noticing your box. Does it contain some variety of animal?” The other man, though obviously surprised by this impertinent intrusion from a stranger, smiled politely as he answered, “You’re absolutely right. There is indeed a creature kept inside this box. And furthermore, I may reveal, the animal in question is a mongoose.”

The first man, who’d initiated the enquiry, was astonsihed by this revelation. Spluttering with surprise, he sought some further explanation of this certainly provocative disclosure made by his strange fellow-traveller. “A mongoose? Sir I must confess I had expected it to be perhaps a cat, or rabbit, not a creature so exotic and outlandish. The animal you mention so excites my curiosity that I must beg you, sir, to tell me more. Where are you bound with such a specimen, if I may be so bold?” The other man, who sat with the perforated box on his lap, shrugged wearily as he replied, “Well, it’s something of a personal matter, as it concerns a family tragedy. However, since I’m confident I may rely on your discretion, I suppose I don’t mind sharing my unfortunate account with you.”

“You see,” the man went on, “this sorry tale concerns my elder brother. He’s always been what I suppose you might refer to as the black sheep of the family. He has for many years indulged himself in a predictable and commonplace array of vices, of which the worst is his fondness for strong spirits. His drinking has progressed until he is now in the final stages of delerium tremens. My brother now sees serpents everywhere, which is the reason I am taking him this mongoose, that he may be rid of them.”

“Excuse me,” the other man interjected, looking puzzled, “But, these snakes your brother sees… aren’t they imaginary snakes?”

“Indeed,” his fellow traveller replied. “But this,” and here he gestured meaningfully to the perforated box set on his lap, “is an imaginary mongoose.”‘

March 5, 2003
[google] Intriguing Search Request … Tidy Version: ‘My brother is disenchanted with his position as an advertising artist and has told you that he plans to leave this job to open a small business. He knows that he has an excellent reputation and is known as an outstanding artist. He also has a friend in the advertising industry who will provide him with a loan to start the business. These three factors (reputation, talent, and start-up financing) are the most important if he is to succeed at is new endeavor. He has asked you for your opinion regarding his plans. Agree / Disagree? Explain.’
January 10, 2003
[cloning] A Clone Writes — Lowri Turner writes about what it’s like to be a clone twin. ‘…up to now, I may have been a freak, but I was regarded as a benevolent one. Now, thanks to a mad doctor working for an even madder religious cult, the term clone has entered everyday use. Suddenly, being part of a matching set has taken on a much more threatening edge. My worry now is that I will be seen not so much as a genetic accident as part of some Bond-style plot to people the world with an identikit master race.’
December 8, 2002
[confidential] The 10 Best Smoking Gun Stories of 2002 — Shift Magazine filters the best out of the Smoking Gun‘On the 25th anniversary of Presley’s death, we were treated to the nitty-gritty details of the Memphis Medical Examiner’s report. Apparently The King was circumsized… in case you wanted to know.’
November 20, 2002
[universe] God Is the Machine — Kevin Kelly wonders if the Universe is a computer … ‘If the universe is a computer, where is it running? Fredkin says that all this work happens on the “Other.” The Other, he says, could be another universe, another dimension, another something. It’s just not in this universe, and so he doesn’t care too much about it. In other words, he punts. David Deutsch has a different theory. “The universality of computation is the most profound thing in the universe,” he says. Since computation is absolutely independent of the “hardware” it runs on, studying it can tell us nothing about the nature or existence of that platform. Deutsch concludes it does not exist: “The universe is not a program running somewhere else. It is a universal computer, and there is nothing outside of it.”‘ [via Haddock]
November 6, 2002
[wtf?] Superhero for Single Girls — a real life superheroine in NYC … ‘For the past seven years Terrifica has been patrolling New York’s party and bar scene, looking out for women who have had a little too much to drink and are in danger of being taken advantage of by men. She says she has saved several women from both themselves and predators who would prey upon their weaknesses — both from alcohol and a misguided notion that they have to go out drinking to find a companion. “I protect the single girl living in the big city,” says Terrifica, sporting blond Brunhild wig with a golden mask and a matching Valkyrie bra.’ [via Boing Boing]
September 17, 2002
[distraction] Lego Theorists — Judith Butler, Anthony Giddens, Angela McRobbie and Michel Foucault as Lego … ‘The Lego Michel Foucault comes with a Parisian Library for younger children, or with the Lego San Francisco S&M Dungeon for older boys and girls.’
August 30, 2002
[blogs] The Sri Chinmoy Project — Mo Morgan discovers a sinister cult abusing weblogs.com‘Odd, I thought. But it was only the tip of the proverbial iceberg.’ [Related: Metafilter Thread]
June 17, 2002
[distractions] Limber Tongue Gallery — unusual things you can do with your tongue. What can you do with your tongue? :)
May 31, 2002
[omg!] Spiderman Body Painting [Warning: Link Contains Gratuitous Pictures of Blue Penis.] … Painted Naked Man As Spiderman. WHY? DEAR GOD, WHY?! [via FilePile]
March 23, 2002
[film] Harry Knowles reviews Blade 2‘I believe Guillermo Del Toro eats pussy better than any man alive. Watch his ‘HOUSE OF PAIN’ sequence in BLADE 2. BLADE 2 is the tongue, mouth, fingers and lips of a lover. The Audience is the clit. Watch your audience. This is where Guillermo Del Toro goes down on the audience. It starts with long licks with a nose bump on the joy button slowly. He smiles as he does this?’ [via Do You Feel Loved]
March 11, 2002
[idle thought] Separated at Birth?

Bette Davis and Davros... Seperated at Birth?
Bette Davis (Film Star)
Davros (Dalek Leader)

February 8, 2002
[wtf?!] Wgirls

A Dubya Girl

January 31, 2002
[911] David Icke on 911 …
  • Alice in Wonderland and the WTC Disaster‘The predictability of the ritualistic, emotionless, reptilian mind can be seen in the news management that has followed this U.S. disaster. Look at what always happens in these circumstances and you will see that the blueprint is the same in almost every case. Before the event happens the fall-guy or “patsy” is already set up to take the blame, thus steering the public mind away from dangerous speculation and onto a pre-ordained target. After the Kennedy assassination it was Lee Harvey Oswald; after Oklahoma it was Timothy McVeigh; now it is Osama Bin Laden. Bin Laden, deeply misguided as he may be, is no more responsible for what happened this week than I am.’
  • How it is possible to orchestrate and mastermind a terrorist attack without the terrorists themselves even knowing who is really behind it?‘The Illuminati do not represent a “side” or a “faction”. They CREATE the “sides” and the “factions” and they use them to manipulate the game of divide and rule and centralisation of global power. They operate within the Islamic world as they operate within the “western world”. So as the bigger pyramids envelope the smaller pyramids you reach a point in the structure where the same force is manipulating and organising the horrors in America while also manipulating and organising the RESPONSE to those horrors through their puppets such as Bush, Cheney, Powell, and Blair.’

January 29, 2002
[wtf?!] The Heroes in Spandex Gallery!‘Everybody likes to dress up in costume, especially if there’s lots of spandex and superheroes involved! This is the place to show the world your new outfit! ‘ [via Metafilter]

Man dressed as Daredevil

January 2, 2002
[comics] Super Hitler Vs. Super Stalin… [via Grammarporn]


Stalin: How are you gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. Hitler: What you say!!

December 29, 2001
[panto] It’s Behind You! Oh No It Isn’t! Oh Yes It Is! [via OnLine Blog]
December 28, 2001
[comment] Is Bin Laden a Pisces – or is he Cancer?‘So far there has been comparitively little debate about the fact that all the world’s astrologers appear to have missed any auspices pointing towards cataclysmic events and vast numbers of dead on a day which, it seems to be generally agreed, changed the course of history. While the security services were immediately condemned for their ignorance, the reputation of astrologers, who have no need of Arabic, bravery or subterfuge to interpret their celestial hints, has escaped intact, not even faintly stained by this awesome demonstration of occult incompetence. While the astrologers’ failure will not surprise anyone acquainted with the essential idiocy of their occupation, or deter the millions who rushed out to buy the predictions of Nostradamus after September 11, you might think it would lead to a little self-examination among practitioners. Not a bit.’
November 28, 2001
[comics] Photoshop this comic book cover … from Oddball Comics. [via Haddock]

Dell's The Rifleman -- A mysterious bag holds the secret to an outlaw's past and a threat against Lucas and Mark McCain.

‘Y’know, I’ve heard the term “sportin’ a woody” before — but this… this… this is just plain ridiculous! And the expressions on the faces of Chuck Connors and Johnny Crawford just make things worse — or at least, funnier!’ [MORE]
November 9, 2001
[tv] Turner’s Lost Love, CNN, Has A Doomsday Plan in the Can — great story on Ted Turner and CNN’s “end-of-the-world video”… ‘Turner, it seems, has been a doom-and-gloom kind of guy from the very day in June 1980 when he launched the cable network. He said then, as only he could, “We gonna go on air June 1, and we gonna stay on until the end of the world. When that time comes, we’ll cover it, play ‘Nearer, My God, to Thee,’ and sign off.” Ten years later, I’m told, Turner used CNN production facilities to create what he called his “end-of-the-world” video. Sources tell me it consists of a recording of “Nearer, My God,” over footage of a waving American flag. Turner is said to have ordered the tape locked away until it was determined that the world was about to end. “It was like a sign-off tape that you often see in the middle of the night,” says one source. “But to Ted, it was a sign-off forever.”‘ [via Follow Me Here]
November 8, 2001
[tea] Stupid Christmas Gift Ideas from LinkMachineGo… for the tea drinker in your family. ‘Your favorite sipping spot isn’t always equipped with a place to park your soggy tea bags. This 12 oz. ceramic mug has a built-in bag holder. use it to carry your fresh tea bag to a favorite spot, brew your tea, then tuck used bag into pocket and sip your tea while its hot.’ [via The Daily Chump]
November 2, 2001
[paul is dead] The Fool on the Hill … Did Paul McCartney expose himself on the Magical Mystery Tour film? ‘The zoom view clearly shows the left coat tail billowing up. There does seem to be a fairly clear image of his penis extending out from under it and pointing to his right at a slightly upward angle. The coloring really adds to the impression: the shaft is darker toned than the head which would be consistent with the coloring of the shaft and head (glans) of a penis. (Yes, unlike most British men, Paul is circumsized.)’ [Related: Paul is Dead, link via Robot Wisdom]
October 23, 2001
[wtf?] A long way from Ambridge — Afghan’s are addicted to a BBC World Service Soap opera based on The Archers

‘The Afghans were very news hungry,” says Andrew Skuse, a social anthropologist who wrote his PhD on the success of the soap. “They really trusted the BBC. After years of abuse of the media under various regimes, the BBC was seen as more trustworthy than the national service. Some thought it was the national service. They hadn’t a clue where it was located. People would often tell me they thought the BBC was a village in Afghanistan”.’

October 17, 2001
[big questions] Why is Snot Green? … From Notes and Queries. ‘I agree with Dr Powell that is is the enzymes in neutrophils that give snot its green colour. However, I thought this was due to another powerful antimicrobial agent, peroxidase. Incidentally, this is the same enzyme that gives wasabi its green colour – a lovely thought for the next time you’re in Yo Sushi!’
October 11, 2001
[wtf? wtf? wtf?] Osama Has a New Friend — Wired on Evil Bert and Bin Laden‘Reuters photographs of a rally this week organized by Jaamiat-e-Talabaye Arabia, a radical Islamic organization, show that protesters created a pro-bin Laden sign out of a collage of photos they apparently lifted from Internet sites. But — is it fate or coincidence? — the sign featured a Bert muppet sitting on the left side of the man believed to be responsible for the bloodiest terrorist attack in U.S. history.’ [Related: Bert is Evil, Metafilter and Fark Comments.]
September 7, 2001
[wtf?] Some of Dale’s skirt pictures and Ahhh, those Hooters® girls — Skirtman is a website I’ve been meaning to blog since I began … ‘I used to belong to a Southern Baptist Church, but they had a real problem with men in skirts.’ [reminded by Blogjam]
July 28, 2001
[mindfucking] Taming the multiverse — New Scientist on Parallel Universes… ‘In classical physics, [Deutsch] says, there is no such thing as “if”; the future is determined absolutely by the past. So there can be no free will. In the multiverse, however, there are alternatives; the quantum possibilities really happen. Free will might have a sensible definition, Deutsch thinks, because the alternatives don’t have to occur within equally large slices of the multiverse. “By making good choices, doing the right thing, we thicken the stack of universes in which versions of us live reasonable lives,” he says. “When you succeed, all the copies of you who made the same decision succeed too. What you do for the better increases the portion of the multiverse where good things happen.”‘ [NOT Related: Crisis On Infinite Earths]
July 11, 2001
[wtf?!] Evil Edna’s Top Ten Heart-Warming Moments “3. An atheist sees God in a burning bush. Dragging him to safety, the atheist is given the greatest gift of all…. faith.”

Basil Brush’s Top Twenty-six Ways to Die ’16. Clive Barker’s favourite, having snakes made from a lunatic’s shit animated by an evil magician and invading your every orifice. Let’s hear it for Clive Barker, eh? 17. That magic flesh eating bacteria (nature beats Clive Barker).’ [via Seethru]
July 2, 2001
[WTF?] Deeply weird… sexual situation involving chains and a Volkswagon…. ‘Case studies include “The Love Bug,” the weird tale of an airline pilot who sought gratification by running around in the nude while chained to the back of a Volkswagen rigged to drive in slow circles. Called to the scene when a fisherman stumbled upon the grisly tableau, stunned policemen found the pilot’s naked body smashed against the car’s left rear fender. Cops theorized the victim had been trying to turn off the ignition when the chain began wrapping around the axle, crushing him to death.’ [via Venusberg]
June 20, 2001
[WTF?] Did Emlyn Hughes call his kids Emlyn and Emma Lynn? ‘Are you able to confirm this and are there any other instances of footballing parents with the imagination of a brick?’
June 15, 2001
[distraction] Freaky Moving Circles… Weird! [Cheers Andy]
May 16, 2001
[falling knob?] Urban Myth — Does C3PO have a “oversized penis” on A Star Wars trading card? ‘The current theory is that at the exact instant the photo was snapped, a piece fell off the Threepio costume, and just happened to line up in such a way as to suggest a bawdy image. The original contact sheets from the photo-shoot attests to this. They are not retouched in any way, yet still contain the same image.’ [via Fark]
May 4, 2001
[distractions] You are… The Surrealist Link. ‘You are the most gutless cassock. Goodbye!’
May 2, 2001
[cats] WTF? Cat Milk? ‘At 59p for 200ml, cat milk is just about the same price per litre as cheap white wine. It may or may not be true that destitute people sometimes resort to eating dog food, but putting cat milk in your coffee would be an extravagance. Not that you would want to. There is a weird off-whiteness to the stuff that actually makes you think twice about giving it to the cat. Test subject Kipper found it palatable enough at first, but ended up leaving most of it in the bowl. It’s hard to tell whether he thought it tasted too much like milk, or not enough. Kipper, it should be said, is an uncommonly stupid cat, and being hit by a car last year did nothing to raise his IQ. His opinion in this matter is almost worthless.’
April 18, 2001
[distractions] Another site I’ve been meaning to blog for ages — Notes & Queries. Important profound examples: What is the point of pubic hair? Why do Magpies collect shiny objects? How can I become a charismatic, likeable, well-connected and wealthy person with the least amount of effort? What is the most effective way to start an urban myth? [reminded by Tom]
April 12, 2001
[wtf?] Only on the Internet… ‘I’m not a Nazi’ Swastika Gallery. ‘The Swastikas in this gallery are related to Buddhists, ancient Greeks, Native Americans, Boy Scouts, street gangs, Nazis, homosexuals, and more… what a great variety of people to invite to a party! So why include Nazi Swastikas? As insane and dangerous as the Nazis were, you gotta admit they looked cool! They lost the war, but they won the fashion show. What other army’s officers wore full length black leather trench coats, high black boots and riding crops?’ [via Hate Male]
[meme] Orbyn wonders… Who is Christian Goldman?

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