7 January 2006
[politics] Get Back To Work, George — find out how much George Galloway is costing the British taxpayer whilst he’s in Celebrity Big Brother.
29 November 2005
[celebs] Finding Stalking Billie Piper — a Blogger’s Odyssey in search of Billie Piper … ‘Previously: Triforce decides it wants to find Billie Biper. Uses Google. Tracks down approximate location. Decides to go drinking and find her. And keep her.’
28 November 2005
[bbc] BBC pulls plug on Dalek Lesbian Romp Flick — DVD pulled from eBay … ‘The director of Terry Nation’s estate, Tim Hancock, told the paper: “The reason the Daleks are still the most sinister thing in the universe is because they do not make things like porn. They weren’t ever intended to be sexual creatures. It’s simple, Daleks do not do porn.”‘
29 October 2005
[soundboard] David Brent Soundboard: ‘…it’s not an insult though is it?’ [via linkbunnies.org]
24 September 2005
[tv] The TV Hit That No One Watches — the Guardian on Monk … ‘Working from a memorably high-concept tagline – “Obsessive. Compulsive. Detective” – the scriptwriters contrive all manner of amusing plot twists. Faced with a chaotic crime scene, Monk’s immediate instinct is to tidy it up. His fear of heights – his irrational terrors also include milk, crowds, needles, lifts and mushrooms – is no get-out when he has to investigate a murder on a ferris wheel. Or when he has to join the customary chase up a fire escape (after much torment, he pulls down his sleeves to protect his hands from the grimy rails). Part of the charm is how the series mines his condition for incidental humour rather than mocking it outright. Part of it is watching [Tony] Shalhoub, a consummate character actor, working with his co-stars…’
15 September 2005
[forensics] Television Shows Scramble Forensic Evidence — article on how forensically-aware criminals are trying to game scientists collecting evidence … ‘There is an increasing trend for criminals to use plastic gloves during break-ins and condoms during rapes to avoid leaving their DNA at the scene. Dostie describes a murder case in which the assailant tried to wash away his DNA using shampoo. Police in Manchester in the UK say that car thieves there have started to dump cigarette butts from bins in stolen cars before they abandon them. “Suddenly the police have 20 potential people in the car,” says Rutty.’ [via As Above]
13 September 2005
[tv] Warren Ellis on CSI: ‘[CSI] …has gotten genuinely odd in its old age. I saw a re-run from last season recently, and there’s a two-minute sequence of William Petersen sluicing blood off a body on a metal tray put to “Sfevn-G-Englar” by Sigur Ros. That’s all it is. Slowed down visuals of water washing blood off brushed steel. Twenty years ago, that would’ve been an art film. Now it’s a musical interlude in a major US network show.’
12 September 2005
[tv] The Church of Klugman — this blog wholeheartedly endorses worship of the star of Quincy, M.E. … ‘This is a brand new religion – a religion worshiping a man who is a legend, a myth, who brings a new social conscience to our troubled times.’ [via Progressive Ruin]
30 August 2005
[cartoon] The ORIGINAL Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products — suppliers of merchandise to Wile E. Coyote. ‘…from Ultimatum Dispatchers to Batman outfits, ACME has set the standard for excellence.’ [via Robot Wisdom]
6 August 2005
[tv] After the Crash — preview of Lost from the Guardian (which is just about to be transmitted on on British TV) … ‘Lost […] is a fantasy in which Americans (and, by extension, America) survive a terrible aeroplane incident but the society that results is more savage, suspicious and selfish than what existed before. To sneak so tough and thoughtful a theme into a mainstream drama series that was created by crossing reality TV with a disaster movie must be regarded as a major achievement.’
[tv] Sky at Night — Recent Real Media Archive of the science TV series Sky at Night presented by Patrick Moore. [via Metafilter]
30 June 2005
[tv] In Cold Blood — JG Ballard on CSI: Crime Scene Investigation … ‘The series unfolds within an almost totally interiorised world, a clue to its real significance. The crimes – they are all homicides – take place in anonymous hotel rooms and in the tract housing of the Vegas and Miami suburbs, almost never in a casino or druglord’s gaudy palace. A brutal realism prevails, the grimmest in any crime series. Suburban lounges and that modern station of the cross, the hotel bathroom, are the settings of horrific murders, which thankfully are over by the time each episode begins. Gloves donned, the cast dismantle u-bends and plunge up to their elbows in toilet bowls, retrieving condoms, diaphragms and bullet casings, syringes, phials and other signs of the contemporary zodiac.’
20 June 2005
[tv] When Old People Attack — Mark Lawson on the Channel 4 documentary “Antisocial Old Buggers” … ‘Surrealism is a devalued currency in modern TV: every sitcom has its dream sequences, every sketch show its non-sequiturs. But Jan’s claim to have made the strangest speech ever heard on television rests on the fact that he seems to believe throughout that his comments are no-nonsense conversation. Discoursing on the state of the modern world, he suddenly says: “The worst thing of all is that pop song: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Well, for Christ’s sake, hold it against her! You see what I mean? There’s a sort of wetness that I do find tiresome.” The sound you hear is comic playwrights weeping.’
24 May 2005
[tv] Holy villainous villains, Batman — Guardian’s Newsblog on the death of Frank Gorshin (the Riddler from the Batman TV Series) … ‘Michael Chabon’s Pulitzer prize-winning novel The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay is about a pair of Jewish cartoonists in 1940s New York, and identifies a crucial truth about comic-book superheroes. These great Wasp icons were actually born out of a working-class, immigrant mindset. They were the dreams of influence and invincibility that came out of the heads of working-class scribblers still trying to get a toe on the ladder. Whether wittingly or not, Gorshin’s Riddler acknowledged these roots. His intelligence was the intelligence of the kid hustling for nickels. His villainy was that of the streetwise con-artist with a deck of playing cards in one pocket and a pair of knuckle-dusters in the other.’
21 May 2005
[tv] Gandolfini’s temper is nothing like Tony Soprano’s — update on Series Six of the Sopranos … ‘One major character that could bite the bullet is Tony Soprano’s wife, Carmela, played by Edie Falco. Though the two feuded considerably in the last season, Falco doesn’t see it happening. “That would be unlikely,” she says. “Who would cook?”‘
2 May 2005
[tv] Cannes to screen BBC’s Nightmares — the BBC documentary Power of Nightmares is to be remade as a film … ‘The BBC Two series questioned whether the threat of terrorism to the West was a politically-driven fantasy, winning a Bafta TV award among other prizes. Its three one-hour episodes are being edited into a single two-and-a-half hour movie by producer Adam Curtis after the festival asked to screen it.’ [via Haddock]
18 April 2005
[tv] Twelve Reasons Why Columbo Is The Best Police TV Show … ‘Just One More Thing…’
10 March 2005
[tv] Face Facts — Charlie Brooker on Nicky Hambleton-Jones: ‘She’s slightly synthetic and ethereal; the ghost of a listless graphic designer. Weirder still, for someone fronting a show about facelifts, her own face is almost entirely featureless. She looks like Mrs Spoon from Button Moon. She looks like a baby new potato in glasses. She looks like Michael Jackson’s mugshot snap. But most of all she looks like a Crayola sketch drawn by a very very stupid child. There’s a Ten Years Younger spin-off book in the shops right now: the front cover features a simple cartoon drawing of Nicky Hambleton-Jones, and curiously, it looks more like her than her actual photo does. She’s a freak. How DARE she tell other people what to do with their faces when she hasn’t grown one of her own?’
20 February 2005
[tv] Trendies twitch over a TV Tease — the Sunday Times covers Nathan Barley. Chris Morris: ‘Hoxton types are just a subset of Nathans. Before writing, we became Barley twitchers, spotting Nathans in Manchester, Bristol, Sheffield, and Penzance. Hosegate is not Hoxton — it’s a fictional construct in response to the fact that Nathans are absolutely bloody everywhere. This is worse than bird flu.’
14 February 2005
[tv] So Was It “Well Weapon”? — the Londonist blog reviews Nathan Barley … ‘… the concept itself feels a bit less red hot. Since Nathan Barley emerged on Brooker’s (now defunct) TV Go Home website, something over five years ago, the dot-com boom has bust and, rather than being an apparently emergent master-race, its illegitimate Carhartt-wearing children now seem automatically self-mocking. That’s not to say that Nathan and his ilk aren’t funny on screen. They are. But they are also funny off screen, which means that Nathan Barley is not the vitriolic weapons-grade satire C**T was, and is instead more of a freakshow.’
31 January 2005
[tv] Trashbat.co.ck — trailers for Charlie Brooker and Chris Morris’s TV comedy Nathan Barley.
26 December 2004
[comedy] Sixteen Tons of Fun — Dave Eggers on Monty Python’s Flying Circus and Eric Idle bringing “The Holy Grail” to Broadway … ‘After a highly successful Canadian stage tour in 1973, the group was invited to do a series of sketches on the “Tonight Show” hosted by Joey Bishop on that particular night. The result was dropped-jaw silence. The curtain went up and Chapman and Idle performed a piece involving the burying of a cat. Idle: “I just spent four hours burying the cat.” Chapman: “Four hours to bury the cat?” Idle: “Yes, it wouldn’t keep still, wriggling about, howling its head off.” It was a while before network television came calling again.’
1 November 2004
[tv] The real King of Comedy — the Observer on the DVD release of Seinfeld … ‘One episode is entirely set in a Chinese restaurant where the cast wait for a table, and George (Jason Alexander) confides his latest girlfriend disaster to Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld). He has had to leave midway through sex because he is too embarrassed to go to the toilet in his girlfriend’s tiny flat, where his every move will be heard, and he has “an intestinal requirement that surpasses by great lengths anything in the sexual realm”. So how to extricate himself? “The only excuse she might possibly have accepted is if I told her that I am in reality Batman, and I’m very sorry, I just saw the Batsignal”.’
5 October 2004
[religion] Klingons for Christ: ‘…we all know that there is really no such Alien Race as the Klingons, they were created by the late Gene Roddenberry for his much loved Science Fiction series STAR TREK. His vision has enriched our lives by giving us this wonderful mythology to speculate about. But there are REAL KLINGONS. The real Klingons are the many dedicated Fen who take the time to dress, look, act, and even speak the language of the mythical aliens. And it is to these real people , and all other Fen that this message is aimed at. Jesus Christ, the Great God of the Universe is real.’ [via Metafilter]
2 October 2004
[tv] alt.nerd.obsessive — a tribute to the Comic Book Guy … ‘Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding, for me, much much more.’
8 July 2004
11 June 2004
[monologue] West Wing – Two Cathedrals … President Bartlet talks to God:
‘You’re a son of a bitch you know that? She bought her first new car and you hit her with a drunk driver. What, is that supposed to be funny? “You can’t conceive nor can I the strangeness of the mercy of God,” says Graham Green. I think I know who’s ass he was kissing there, ’cause I think your’re just vindictive. What was Josh Lyman, the warning shot? That was my son, what did I ever do to yours but praise his glory and praise his name? There’s a tropical storm that’s gaining speed and power. They say we haven’t had a storm this bad since you took out that Tender ship of mine in the North Atlantic last year, sixty-eight crew. You know what a Tender ship does? It fixes the other ships, and, delivers the mail, that’s all it can do. Gracias Tibiago Domine. Yes, I lied. It was a sin, I’ve committed many sins. Have I displeased you, you feckless thug? Three point eight billion new jobs that wasn’t good? Bailed out Mexico, Increased foreign trade, 30 million new acres of land for conservation, put Mendoza on the bench, we’re not fighting a war, I’ve raised 3 children. That’s not enough to buy me out of the doghouse? Am I really to believe that these are the acts of a loving God? A just God? A wise God? To hell with your punishments. I was your servant here on Earth. And I spread your word and I did your work. To hell with your punishments. To hell with you.’
2 June 2004
[nostalgia] Classic Kia-ora Advert from the 80s … ”I’ll be your dog! Wuff, wuff, wuff. It’s too orangey for crows, it’s just for me and my dog. We all adore Kia-ora!’ [via del.icio.us]
12 May 2004
[tv] An Open letter to Sir Jimmy Saville … ‘I’d like to personally thank you for your contribution to broadcasting over the last few decades. You are after all the quintessential Top of the Pops presenter, and no child of my generation went without feeling a certain sense of awe while watching Jim’ll fix it (however fleeting that sensation may have been). My problem is this: you scare the living crap out of me.’ [via Bifurcated Rivets]
30 March 2004
[tv] Kenneth Williams Quote from Neil Gaiman … ‘”I’m a cult,” Kenneth Williams said to me, in 1985. “I’m an enormous cult. People stop in the street and point to me and say look, it’s that cult from the television.”‘
26 March 2004
[comics] List of “Holy —, Batman!” uttered by Robin — from the Batman TV Series … ‘Holy Astringent pomite fruit!’ [via Neilalien]
8 March 2004
[tv] Married to the Mob — preview of Sopranos Series 5. ‘…if season five has an overall design, it is that of things falling apart, and there is every indication, particularly as episode four draws to a close — on a devastating shot of Carmela entering the house that has become the most iconic television manor since Southfork — that Chase will now tackle the subjects of separation and perhaps divorce with the same uncommon understanding he brought, in previous seasons, to our collective fear of psychiatry, the perils of raising children and the long shadows cast by parents. Where this will all lead is anybody’s guess.’
4 March 2004
[quote] Tony Soprano: ‘Uncle June and I, we had our problems, with the business. But I never should’ve razzed him about eating pussy; this whole war could’ve been averted. Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this.’
1 March 2004
[tv] History Today — archive of sketches from the Mary White House Experience … [via Green Fairy]
‘RN: You see that Theo Kojak? That’s you, that is.
DB: {spits} See that bit of flob?
RN: Yes.
DB: That’s you, that is.
RN: No, that’s your swimming pool in your garden.’
24 February 2004
[tv] Columbo Quotes … ‘I worry. I mean, little things bother me. I’m a worrier. I mean, little insignificant details – I lose my appetite. I can’t eat. My wife, she says to me, “you know, you can really be a pain.”‘
11 February 2004
[tv] ‘I hereby vow never to work in TV again’ — more from Garth Marenghi. ‘…a woman, eyes bedewed with tears, laments: “Hast then our humble fabulist deserted his loyal readerhood [50 million sales worldwide and counting] in favour of televisual terrors [scary TV]?” Fear not, friends. This scribe ain’t about to hang up his nib. In fact my new novel Return of the Coil, in which a woman circumnavigates hell via a cursed contraceptive device, hits the shelves in mid-Feb (Asda do a three quid off deal, but if you order it direct from my website, the first 30 punters get a complimentary egg cup in the shape of a skeleton head).’
6 February 2004
[tv] Influential Friends — a summing up of Friends (the last season begins on Channel 4 tonight) … ‘Friends resonated not only because it was brilliantly funny, but also because it struck a chord with its audience. If Seinfeld was, famously, a show about nothing, Friends was a programme about arrested development and our desire for an extended adolescence. The reassuring subtext to Ross and Rachel’s turbulent love lives, and Monica and Chandler’s unfulfilled careers, was that it was normal to be directionless in love and work even in your late 20s.’
26 January 2004
[tv] Garth Marenghi.com … ‘As many of my readership can attest, I invented the internet back in 1976 with my short story ‘Mindgrid’. Many of my predictions, alas, have since borne sorry fruit, and I, too, have spent many troubled hours distracted by erotica.’
14 January 2004
[tv] Angry Middle-Aged Man — a Larry David / Curb your Enthusiasm Profile … [via Reenhead]
‘[In an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm], the chat between Larry and Krazee Eyez Killa (a rap star, played by Chris Williams) becomes a freewheeling improvised exchange in which Krazee Eyez Killa reads one of his raps and asks Larry for a critique. Larry nods judiciously. “I like it — I got one tiny little comment,” he says. “I would lose the motherfucker at the end — ’cause you already said fuck once … I would change the motherfucker to bitch.”
Krazee Eyez Killa beams, and gives Larry a hug. “You my dog,” he says, warmly. “You my nigger … I like you! Check it out — you like eatin’ pussy?”
Larry shrugs. “I like it, I like it,” he says. “But I’m a little too lazy … It’s a whole to-do, you know. It hurts my neck.”‘
23 December 2003
[tv] The Canonical Priest List — Fantastic list of Priests in Father Ted. Mrs Doyle’s Imaginary Priest Names: ‘Fr. Andy Riley, Fr. Desmond Coyle, Fr. George Byrne, Fr. David Nicholson, Fr. Declan Lynch, Fr. Ken Sweeney, Fr. Neil Hannon, Fr. Keith Cullen, Fr. Ciaran Donnelly, Fr. Mick McEvoy, Fr. Jack White, Fr. Henry Bigbigging, Fr. Hank Tree, Fr. Hiroshima Twinkie, Fr. Stick Bubblecart, Fr. Johnny Hellzapoppin’ , Fr. Luke Duke, Fr. Billy Ferry, Fr. Chewy Louie, Fr. John Hoop, Fr. Hairy Cakelinum, Fr. Ebula Conundrum, Fr. Peewee Stairmaster, Fr. Tight Head Lips, Fr. Jemima Racktouey, Fr. Jerry Twig, Fr. Spodo Komodo, and of course Fr. Canabrana Lammer.’
19 December 2003
[tv] Office Party — a profile of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant … ‘Do Gervais and Merchant subscribe to the view that a crucial ingredient in most great sitcoms is people being stuck in a situation? “It’s not just being stuck,” Gervais insists. “It’s knowing you’re stuck.” Gervais (who did a philosophy degree at University College London before a lengthy stint as entertainments officer at the University of London Union, managing an early incarnation of Suede, doing the music for This Life and earning sundry other distinctions at the university of life) waxes metaphysical. “To be the dissatisfied Socrates or the satisfied fool … that’s the dilemma: do you trade happiness for wisdom?” And what would their answers be to that tricky question? Gervais points at Merchant: “He’s a dissatisfied fool.”‘ [Related: The Office]
8 December 2003
[tv] Viva Johnny Vegas — profile of comedian Johnny Vegas … ‘At the end of the day he’s best live. When he came on to present a prize in last year’s Comedy Awards he held the place spellbound. There’s a dangerous, John Belushi quality to him. But he’s very English. What other country could produce a comedian whose act revolves around the potter’s wheel?”‘
22 November 2003
[tv] The Miserable King of Comedy — profile of Larry David. ‘…If there is a master storyline [to Curb Your Enthusiasm], it is that Larry simply wants to go about his daily business but is constantly mystified by the obstacles thrown up in front of him. The obstacles may be no more than a bothersome word, or a small tic of behaviour, or the suspicion that some rule of social etiquette has been broken (for example, the show where he becomes convinced that a television executive has stolen the shrimp out of his Chinese takeaway). Larry’s attempts either to overcome these obstacles, or get even for them, invariably entangle him further. That’s when he gets mad – convincing himself that he is a reasonable guy when we, the audience, can see how he has set himself up for trouble from the very start.’
20 November 2003
[blogs] Venusberg … ‘This forces us to only one conclusion. Death is MacGyver.’
5 September 2003
[film] Joey Pants.com — Joe Pantoliano’s Website. [via Die Puny Humans]
8 August 2003
[science] You Ask The Questions — Michael Crichton … ‘Q: In ER, what is wrong with Kerry Weaver’s leg? A: I’m sorry, but that’s confidential between doctor and patient.’
7 August 2003
[24] The Second Coming — a profile of Kiefer Sutherland. ‘…he met the actress Julia Roberts and they became engaged, but she jilted him shortly before their wedding and fled to Ireland with his best friend, Jason Patric. His life spiralled downwards, with rumours of bar fights and drinking bouts. Later his film career fell into the doldrums, with a string of instantly forgettable movies. So he made the radical decision to take time out and became a cowboy on the rodeo circuit. After a few years and several trophies (he won the United States Team Roping Championships twice), the allure of Hollywood drew him back to acting.’ [Related: BBC’s 24 Site | 24 Weblog]
25 July 2003
[tv] The Princess and the Pea-Brain — Nancy Banks-Smith reviews Channel 4’s James Hewitt: Confessions of a Cad … ‘Charm is nature’s Teflon and Hewitt is very charming. It is quite easy to feel sorry for him and the pretty pickle he finds himself in. Emma Stewardson, a girlfriend he ran in tandem with Princess Diana, still looks after his old wolfhound, Tess. Hewitt keeps her picture in pride of place. Tess, that is, not Emma.’
23 June 2003
[web] Some recent interesting Barbelith threads:
- Promethea #26 … ‘This issue was ridiculously cool.’
- Barbelith. (Warren) Ellis. Cameron (Stewart) (and Fatbeards) … ‘ I am using the term “fatbeard” in an inclusive, spread-the-love term, as a reader of comic books myself (a closer reading may have noticed that nobody has actually mentioned liking or disliking particular comic books in this thread yet). As you say, I am posting about comic books on the Internet. I am clearly of the fatbeard nation. I get to use the term, you don’t, to paraphrase Richard Pryor. Except of course you do, because you are also posting about comic books on the Internet.’
- Sporanos Series 4 Discussion … ‘A wig!’