[blair] Fantastic “sketch” of Tony Blair’s conference speech yesterday by Simon Hoggart: ‘He began with a ringing battlecry. “We’re crap!” he told the adoring delegates. “Yes, we’re crap, but we’re not as crappy as the other lot!” He didn’t put it quite like that, of course, but that was what he meant. It was that rarest moment, an apology from a politician. The dome, the fuel crisis, pensions, even prime minister’s question time. But he was sorry, God he was sorry. He’d never do it again. Would a bunch of flowers help?’

[cartoon] Yet another great Steve Bell cartoon on the petrol crisis… ‘Fat Blokes United in Disgruntlement’

[comics] Bad weblogger…. did not spot this great Steve Bell cartoon on the Petrol Crisis earlier.

[comics] Steve Bell on William Hague and The Millennium Dome — ‘…a pointless tent in the middle of nowhere…’

[america] Oh dear… Polly Toynbee gets a shower of Hate mail from the US… ‘You are nothing but an intolerant American-hating bigot. You can’t stand the fact that America is so rich and powerful while you live in a pathetic third-rate country that is of no significance at all. I see no reason why America should pay any attention to the whining, pissing, shitting, moaning and groaning of a bunch of idiots like you. The rest of the world has no right to expect us to share our wealth with it. It is our money, not the world’s. Bush will win in November. I hope when he wins you have a stroke and it kills you and all your fellow Eurotrash die from shock as well. America Uber Alles! Fuck the world!!’

[fear and loathing] Hunter S. Thompson can’t get interested in the US Presidential Election. ‘[..] he can’t even come up with a description for the junkies who’re mainlining it. “Anyone with half a fucking brain would be apathetic,” Hunter spits, before trailing off. “If you’re excited about this thing you’d be, um, I don’t know.” Even though Hunter’s not writing about it, he still follows, muting and unmuting CNN, which plays constantly on a 27-inch television not 12 feet from his ashtray and keyboard. He’s still biting with the same force, but the teeth are different – not as sharp.’ [via Metafilter]

[young william] A Guardian reporter follows in William Hague’s footsteps around Rotherham attempting to drink 14 pints in the process. Not surprisingly he gets a little drunk… ‘”He was in my class at Wath Comprehensive and he was a prat even then,” says Sharon, when the incredulous laughter finally subsides. “A prat. The first week of school, he stood in front of the class – nobody else did this – and his mum was standing beside him, and he said, ‘I would like to introduce myself. My name is William Hague and I’m looking forward to being at school with you all.’ I never slept with him,” she adds, as if it would have been only natural to have wondered. “He’s trying to be a Rotherham man,” says Liz, “and all Rotherham men drink a lot.” It is becoming increasingly clear that I’m never going to pass for a Rotherham man.’

[young william] What’s the big political story in the UK at the moment? Apparently William Hague used to drink 14 pints a day when he was a younger man. ‘Leading PR man Max Clifford said the opposition leader was “trying to get away from the image of the sweet, precocious, 16-year-old cherub who stood up at the Conservative Party conference.” But added: “It won’t work because it is obvious – you don’t look at him and see a 14-pint man.”‘ [Related Links: Wonderful Steve Bell Cartoon, Guardian Article]

[distortion] Phony Blair — amazing 3D distortion of Tony Blair, requires Pulse Player. [thanks to Yungee]

[farmers] The Guardian looks at why the British are so hostile towards farmers. ‘In the same Mail On Sunday that sympathised with Martin, Geoffrey Wheatcroft wrote a vigorous attack on all farmers for their “greedy whingeing”. “They are always whining,” he wrote, “and they are always holding their hands out. They expect – and they get – money to grow crops, and money not to grow crops. All in all, the way in which farming is subsidised has become the greatest single affront to British democracy. What makes it worse is the astonishing ingratitude of our farmers”.’

[photo] Young William from The Guardian’s Left a Bit Gallery. “Apart from the hair nothing has changed.”

[tory] newsUnlimited takes a look at William Hague ‘It was my first Conservative dinner, and it was a shock. The Party is old; most of the dinner guests were in their 70s. It was hard to believe that this Britain bouffant hair-dos, portly, uniformed chauffeurs, crinoline ball-gowns and floral prints still existed; Planet Tory. It was like stepping back into the 50s. One thing was sure, these people would not be knocking door to door at election time. At one table at the back was a small clique of young men from Glasgow University’s Conservative Society. They are strangely awkward, arrogant, odd-looking, dressed in clothes borrowed from their grandparents; young Williams revisited 20 years later.’

[comics] Salon reports that Lex Luthor is to run for president. [via Ghost in the Machine]

[comics] Great Steve Bell Cartoon on Elitism and William Hague in the Guardian today. “I, Commonsense Man shall wreak vengence on the Liberal elite”

[comics] Bill Clinton tells Russia that he had in the past a used comic book business: “”In my lifetime, I probably had ? earned money doing 20 or 25 different things. I’ve built houses, I’ve cleared land, I’ve worked in a grocery store. I had a used comic book business. Obviously, I was a musician. I made money as a musician. I’ve been a teacher. I’ve done a lot of different things in my life.”” Totally weird if it’s true… [via Ghost in the Machine]

[tory] Tebbit on Hague: “”Something somewhere sparked him off and suddenly he became an interesting politician – having previously been uninteresting,” he says. But he adds, crushingly: “As he gets more interesting, people forget that he’s bald, he’s got an unusual voice and he’s small.”” After the untimely death of Barbara Cartland I think Norman Tebbit may well fill the “mad quote” void on linkmachinego…

[ken4london] Livingstone and Labour close to compromise deal reports newsUnlimited.

[ken4london] newsUnlimited has an interview with Ken Livingstone — the new mayor of London. “It suddenly dawns on you that all those people have gone out and voted for you, and it was overwhelming and incredibly humbling, and I hadn’t expected to have that feeling…”

[mayor for london] BBC News has a picture gallery of the election for London mayor.

[mayor for london] “If the Archangel Gabriel had stood with the name Winston Churchill, Ken would still have won.” — Jeffrey Archer. So what does a London mayor do anyway?

[mayor for london] The results of the London Mayor election have been held up by “dust in the air”. Did they get British Rail into count the votes? [Updated 12.27pm] Anyway — Ken wins.

[mayor for london] It’s voting day in London. I voted at 7.00 o’clock this morning on the way to work… Here’s a couple of reports from BBC News and newsUnlimited… newsUnlimited is also reporting that a “virtual poll” has Livingstone winning cleanly in the first round.

[weblogs] British blogs are discussing the vandalism of the cenotaph. Check out: kitschbitch, Barbelith and Blue Lines.

[mayor for london] Susan Kramer sent me a postcard today…. and asked me to download a song called Follow in my footsteps by Sarah Gillies. God knows why…

[major for london] Voting day tommorrow — here’s a BBC News timeline on how the race developed… and a guide to how the vote works.

[mayor for london] BBC News reports that Ken Livingstone expects to return to the Labour Party after the election next week.

[mayor for london] This is London reports that Ken Livingstone has a 34% lead. [I’m using the UK Yahoo’s version of This is London because the real This in London web site is just to damn slow.]

[politics] Tory MP admits to surfing for porn: New Forest West’s Desmond Swayne told MPs it was only the Commons division bell that stopped him from lingering with a sense of “fascination” over a porn site.

[mayor for london] Another webapp to help you choose your mayor: VoteMonkey [requires Java]

[mayor for london] newsUnlimited reports on: The collected controversies of Ken Livingstone According to reports Ken’s lead had dropped by 12 points.

[mayor for london] Let’s play Fantasy Mayor … enter your preferences on 15 key issues and fantasy mayor will tell you which candidate to vote for. [via ChrisH]

[mayor for london] Livinstone suggests that the international financial system kills more people than Hitler did in WWII every year.

[Mayor for London] Two stories: Livingstone expelled from the Labour Party. Pig runs for Mayor.

[Mayor for London] Let’s have a heated debate! David Frost tackles the four main contenders for Mayor of London.

[Mayor for London] NewsUnlimited reports and carries a video of Frank Dobson saying “Ooh! You Amaze Me!” I seem to be missing the point on this one. Someone enlighten me please?

[politics] New Labour is experiencing some mid-term jitters according to various press reports. Local elections plus the London Mayor’s race are fast approaching Two reports — from Newsunlimited and BBC News [Low Graphics].

[Mayor for London] Norris proposes 24hr Tube on Friday and Saturday. I’m surprised nobody else thought of this — but I’d always assumed it was not possible to run a 24hr tube in London due to technical reasons? More reports of fresh allegations against Livingstone regarding his financial affairs.

Great day for Cartoons in the Guardian — Steve Bell does a stormer on the Blair Baby/paternity leave story. Doonesbury has Uncle Duke doing a campaign ad for the iMac…

Budget 2000 as seen by Steve Bell.

[Mayor for London] Beardy does not like redheads!
[I seem to be doing a lot of links about hair — Beckham, Dobson and Evans… I wish I could explain why but as always my motivations remain hidden from me. What the hell was I thinking of when I linked to a Ralph Wiggum quote straight after an interesting article about the media during Kosovo?]

[Mayor for London] NewsUnlimited reports that Chris Evans is giving £100,000 to Ken’s campaign.

[Major for London] More dirty tricks? Ken strikes back… check out this link. [via Haddock]

[Mayor for London] 101 Things you never knew about Ken. [via The View From Here]

[Mayor for London] The gloves start to come off in the race to become London’s mayor as the first signs of dirty tricks appear…

Another great cartoon from Steve Bell on the fate of the Rover Group.

The Guardian shines a spotlight on Alastair Campbell — Tony Blair’s press secretary. He does not seem to know very much about the Human Genome Project. I am not impressed.

[Mayor for London] Ken Livingstone broke Common’s rules on registered interests — apparently about 150, 000 squids worth of outside interests. What next? Stories on Ken’s flirtations with underage girls, drugs and sweets? Dobbo and the Rent Boys on Hampstead Heath?

[Mayor for London] BBC News supplies a fascinating political analysis on beards in the British Government. Why no picture of Dobson without the beard? I’ve not seen one on the web anywhere… weird.

[Mayor for London] Beardy to World: It Stays!

[Mayor for London] “Hoi! Lose the hair Beardy!” The Observer reports that the aides have told Frank Dobson to lose the beard or lose the election. Someone should report that bullshitting mirthmakers are running the Dobson campaign!