November 14, 2001
[history] Inspired by Tom… here is some of my Internet History…

October 18, 2001
[lmg] I’ve just added a proper blog comment system… Just click on the [Comment] link below to let me know what you think about LMG and the links…
September 19, 2001
[lmg] I’m off to Italy for a few days so LinkMachineGo won’t be updated until sometime next week.
July 2, 2001
[books] Five books I’ve bought in charity shops recently…

  • Airport by Arthur Hailey. The novel which made George Kennedy’s career… and the template for every jet disaster movie ever… Classic back cover blurb: ‘AIRPORT. From traffic control to Customs hall, from airport manager’s office to the lay-over apartments in “Stewardesses Row”, the rooms are peopled with men and women whose private pressures and passions match the fury of the blizzard which sweeps the airfield… For seven suspense-filled hours, a blocked runway … suicide … pickets … an aerial stowaway … pregnancy … smuggling … mass demonstrations … and a psychotic with a home-made bomb, build to nail-biting climax…’
  • Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Joins the tiny number of books I’ve never managed to get past the first page on… I read the opening sentence… “Who is John Galt?”, my brain reboots and I go and do something more interesting instead… like sit in a corner and stare at the wall. Purchased for a pound in Shepherds Bush.
  • Monte Cassino by Sven Hassel. The all-true (according to this FAQ, anyway) adventures of a German Penal Panzer Division (WTF?!) at Monte Cassino. Hassel’s books — like Richard Allen’s Skinhead series — are 70’s pulp classics well worth picking up if you can find them…. I suspect these have become collectable so you’ll be lucky to find them in charity shops. Another lucky purchase from a charity shop in Kilburn.
  • Raise the Titanic! by Clive Cussler. Faced with a difficult decision I often ask myself “What would Dirk Pitt do in this situation?” …the answer is always shoot a Russian between the eyes and seduce the nearest beautiful woman. The book was made into another crap film but it’s entertaining if you can pick it up for a pound.
  • The Detective by Roderick Thorpe. I’ve not managed to read this one yet…. but I recommend it mainly because of front-cover blurb…. ‘A Big-City Cop whose public life amid rape, robbery, perversion and murder becomes entangled with the problems of his wife and mistress.’ How can you resist that?

Next Week: Another book list I haven’t though of yet…. although I’m planning on doing a list of the worst books I’ve ever read at some point… Shaun Hutson novels will feature strongly.
June 16, 2001
I’ve lost my blogging mojo… and I’m not sure that two Nurofen and a new wallet are going to help me find it again.
May 3, 2001
April 24, 2001
[confession] Darren is wearing provocatively threadbare underwear. [via Brainsluice]
April 18, 2001
[confession time meme] Tom: ‘Come to think of it, teenage fetishes have a lot to answer for.’ Okay, time to be honest — for me it was…. urm… Carly Simon and Catwoman… and later I had ‘feelings’ for… Servalan from Blake Seven. But Carly was my first pointless crush of many… :)
April 1, 2001
[tedious autobiography] Doing a linklog is very difficult sometimes… I often have Weblog Performance Anxiety*…. but if you spend the day drinking champagne cocktails in a bar with Mini-Me your tedious life becomes easy to blog… Goodnight! ‘Talk to the hand… ‘cos the face ain’t listening…’
* The anxious feeling a weblogger gets when other blogs they read casually update through out the day and all the sufferer of WPA can come up with is a link to a story about interest rates or something equally boring…
March 30, 2001
(Manually Published yesterday)

[services] Blogger is down so don’t expect any updates today….

[random link for no apparent reason] On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. ‘He had a lot of guts’ — James Bond.

What a nightmare updating by hand is… I’m going back to bed. :)
March 19, 2001
[search requests] The number one search request on LMG has always been ‘Charlie Dimmock Nude‘ but recently ‘Danniella Westbrook Nose‘ has been cropping up a lot…. Unfortunately, I never had a link to a picture…. until now. [via]
March 13, 2001

Slightly disturbing card posted in my letterbox...

Shoved through the letterbox… the answer to all my crippling emotional problems?
March 7, 2001
[HTML] For some reason I’ve made LMG HTML 4.01 compliant. It’s not that hard… at least not on a page this simple. Does it break any browsers? Let me know.
March 4, 2001
[lmg year zero] Well…. it’s LinkMachineGo’s first birthday. Come sit with me a while… as I bouce the little tyke on my knee and it farts and burps out a years worth of favorite links…

March 2000: A favourite quote of mine from Grant Morrison’s Animal Man: ‘What’ll it be next? Choice extracts from the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations? Trotting out the Nietzsche and the Shelley to dignify some old costumed claptrap? Probably. Sometimes you wonder, in an interconnected universe, who’s dreaming who?’

April: I wonder: Would you get baptised just to please your dying father?

May: Barbara Cartland dies…. and I do a few link tributes to the mad old bitch…. ‘Men have always made a fuss of me. I still have several admirers who send me jewellery and chocolates. So I must be doing something right’ – aged 96.

June: There are certain things that a simple man from Norfolk should not be exposed to…. I see Keith Chegwin’s knob on TV. Meg from NotSoSoft provides a photo… from then on I will get four or five referrals a month from Google about… Keith Chegwin Nude.

July: A classic quote from Preacher: ‘I mean look at me: My head looks like a penis, I’ve got one leg, one ear, one eye, and my cock’s been replaced with a rubber tube.’

August: I wonder about the important things in life: How many degrees of seperation between Blakey from On The Buses and Kevin Bacon? ‘I’ll get you Butler!!’

September: I play My Name is… Frank Butcher.

October: Nishlord sums up Paula Yates: ‘Some of us are born great. Some of us achieve greatness. And others have a pop star’s cock thrust upon them.’

November: The desperate search for meaningful content continues…. I begin to rip off quotes from various authors‘On page 39 of California Living magazine I found a hand-lettered ad from the McDonald’s Hamburger Corporation, one of Nixon’s big contributors in the ’72 presidential campaign: PRESS ON, it said. NOTHING IN THE WORLD CAN TAKE THE PLACE OF PERSISTENCE. TALENT WILL NOT: NOTHING IS MORE COMMON THAN UNSUCESSFUL MEN WITH TALENT. GENIUS WILL NOT: UNREWARDED GENIUS IS ALMOST A PROVERB. EDUCATION ALONE WILL NOT: THE WORLD IS FULL OF EDUCATED DERELICTS. PERSISTENCE AND DETERMINATION ALONE ARE OMNIPOTENT. I read it several times before I grasped the full meaning.’

December: Christmas pictures of Ann Widdecombe and her cats — Pugwash and Carruthers! ‘Goodness gracious, what is that? It’s Mr. Pugwash, my black cat. Goodness gracious, are there others? Yes indeed, my cat Carruthers.’

January 2001: A long weekend expressed as links…. Friday: Blog, Oxford Street, Selfridges, Starbucks, Marks and Spencers, MyHotel, drink, Move on to Soho — more drink, Japanese food, drink, back to MyHotel, drink, cab, home, Try to Blog… too pissed, Sleep. Saturday: Badly hungover, 4 * Nurofen + time = feel better, hungry, read Powers: Who Killed Retro Girl?, Eco, Sexy Beast, Blog, Sleep. Sunday: Blog, More Powers, Cast Away, National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation, Baddiel’s Syndrome, Blog.

February: Darren’s Circumcision — I have a rather Disturbing Search Request.

Thanks to Chris, Phil and Andy. LMG Year One starts here…
March 2, 2001

Back of a beermat - because sometimes LMG needs a random image and to remind me of a weird Saturday...
February 23, 2001
[voicemail 2 email] I’m probably going to regret this… but it’s Friday so WTF… Leave me a message on my XIOP number — UK: 08700 290953, International: +44 8700290953 (include an email address if you want a reply).
February 11, 2001
[LMG] My underpant secrets revealed via Disturbing Search Requests
February 6, 2001
[LMG] I’m all blogged out… taking a break for a couple of days. Not taking my laptop with me… just a Rio, a Colour Gameboy… and a few books. :) LMG returns at the weekend.
February 4, 2001
[imitation] The Coffee GroundsAnd now in the style of LinkMachineGo… :)
January 21, 2001
[weblogs] My aborted weblogs… NewsBlogUK at Pitas (a pathetic summer 1999 attempt) and Vision Thing at EditThisPage (a brief December 1999 flirtation with Manila). LMG started in March 2000, by the way… Have you got any aborted weblogs? Email Me and share them
January 15, 2001
[animation] My flatmate is watching Dougal and the Blue Cat — which is the most deeply fucked up thing I’ve seen recently. He recommends it… ‘Something very unusual is happening in the garden. What are those strange noises coming from the old treacle factory? Why is everything turning blue? Dougal decides to investigate in this classic feature length story from the original Magic Roundabout.’
January 14, 2001
[weekend highlights] Friday: Blog, Oxford Street, Selfridges, Starbucks, Mark and Spencers, MyHotel, drink, Move on to Soho — more drink, Japanese food, drink, back to MyHotel, drink, cab, home, Try to Blog… too pissed, Sleep. Saturday: Badly hungover, 4 * Nurofen + time = feel better, hungry, read Powers: Who Killed Retro Girl?, Eco, Sexy Beast, Blog, Sleep. Sunday: Blog, More Powers, Cast Away, National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation, Baddiel’s Syndrome, Blog…
December 24, 2000
[LinkMachineOff]. Right… Happy Christmas everybody…especially to all of LMG’s regular readers and anybody coming off Google searching for websites dealing with nude pictures of Amanda Holden or Charlie Dimmock. You won’t find any of that here but I extend my hand in Christmas greetings…. as long as you wash yours first. That’s it. Back next week….
December 20, 2000
[linkmachinego] Where LinkMachineGo and TimeMachineGo come from… The Invisibles by Grant Morrison. ‘…Mason receives a fax from one of his researchers in San Francisco reading ‘Time Machine Go.’ This interests Robin. Once in SF, Jack and Fanny are sent on a mission to collect the Hand of Glory. They meet the mysterious Pierrot and Columbine in a nightclub, whilst King Mob meets his ex Jacqui for a massage and an argument about his motives and his actions. At the offices Mason’s researcher Takashi explains that his breakthrough is to think of time as a single place, if you build a machine that can go ‘up’ above time, it can then choose its own re-entry point.’ [Related Links:, Barbelith – from Tom Coates.]
November 22, 2000
[picture] God’s eye view — my house (as seen from space). [via Glamvan]
November 13, 2000
[listening] Yesterday I listened to Voodoo Ray by A Guy Called Gerald for the first time in years… ‘Riding on the current trend for Acidy sounding tunes, Voodoo Ray charted back in 1989 rising to number 12. Very distinctive with it’s simple bass line, hypnotic vocals and 808 tinkles.’
November 12, 2000
[tedious autobiography] Yesterday: sofa bed, a nice cup of tea, Madness – Embarrassment, more tea, Guardian, Vogue, David Grey sickness!, Alpen, Napster, Winamp, produce Teresa’s pre-Dogstar Mix CD, yet more tea, shower, “What is ukbloggers?”, tube, Oxford Street, Selfridges, Top Shop, Starbucks, “Minogue has tiny deformed ears!”, rain, bus, rain, bus, “You’re always threatning to get your hair cropped but you never do…”, wine – pizza – eco [yum!], More on Minogue’s ears… rain, tube, Rollerball, blog, David Grey – Babylon
November 4, 2000
[uk weblogs] Last night expressed as links: Interconnected, Netdyslexia, Threadnaught, Notsosoft, Playing With Cobras, LukeLog, Plasticbag, Popt Art [or is that Poptart? Should have asked!], EC, and Vavatch.
October 30, 2000
[LMG] Just decided to reorder things so the latest postings are at the top. I think I prefer it that way… What do you think silent readers?
October 18, 2000
[uk weblogs] Oh God…. pictures from last night’s UK Blogmeet… Too early in morning… mouth dry… need breakfast… 13% of sewage is blood… WTF?
October 6, 2000
[LMG] I’m changing the oil in LinkMachineGo and giving it a bit of a rest… back next week.
October 5, 2000
[shoes] Two Pairs. No excuses… I’m a simple unsophisticated lad from Norfolk. Untouched by London ways…
October 4, 2000
[rate my blog!!] I’ve tried to resist the temptation, honest — go rate LinkMachineGo
September 23, 2000
[this means war!] Overnight I recieved 8 spam messages about wild & hot teens, home loans and herbal viagra. I have little doubt that me and SpamCop are about to renew our acquaintance….
September 18, 2000
[big numbers] According to this I am 11,129 days old. Which is interesting.
September 7, 2000
[LMG] Slight redesign… nothing serious. Less whitespace, smaller fonts, more room. Let me know if you have any problems.
July 27, 2000
[lists] Five Reasons for LinkMachineGo: 1) Because Sonny Barger is standing next to me. 2) Because little things please me. 3) Because I’m it for the money. 4) Because you can’t envict me from the house. 5) Because I’m a semi-hard cheese with a plastic taste! [thanks to notsosoft]
July 6, 2000
[personal shite] Well it looks like I’ll be working for BBC Technology Ltd, well probably: “Ms Salmon said around 200 job losses, predominantly in London and Manchester, are expected in the near future, and added that there could be some other impact on jobs over time. “
June 27, 2000
[stupidname] Tom at Blue Lines talks about how much he hates his name…. I could rant on about how awful my name is but I won’t…. it speaks for itself…. Fortunately, I went to school with a guy called “Larman Register” who I always think of when somebody takes the piss out of being called S********. You think you’ve got a awful name? Consider the horror of being called Larman! Did his parents hate him or what? I hope for his sake there is a long Norfolk tradition of calling your child Larman…
June 5, 2000
[buy stuff!] How much did my flatmate bung me to link to the Gardener’s World website? Nothing! [Note for Chris: Many webloggers stick loads of flatmate angst into their weblogs but not me. I just expect a brown paper bag stuffed with drugs, sweets and cash under the coffee table every month and you get a happy flatmate plus links to Charlie Dimmock screensavers into the bargain!]
May 29, 2000
[bbc] Perfect Day? Not if you’re working on a bank holiday!
May 28, 2000
[personal shite] Sunday morning would be incomplete without: a cup of tea, The Observer, one slice of cold pizza, Hollyoaks and blogging….
May 27, 2000
[exams] The Daily Doozer reminds me why I’m glad I’m not a student any more. [tedious autobiography: I still have a regular dream where I’ve got one of my finals and have not been to any lectures or revised for it… seven years after I did them!]
May 21, 2000
[personal shite] I am having trouble sleeping which is not a good thing on a grey Sunday morning. I want to be snoring into my pillow, dammit! Instead I am adding permanent links to my weblog. This is not healthy…
May 19, 2000
[weblogging] Any weblogger who provides lots of links must hit THE WALL at some point… and I’ve been certainly struggling with my own personal weblogging wall the last couple of days… So, it’s time to dig thru the old bookmarks and come up with some gems…
May 17, 2000
[admin] Linkmachinego archives are up: March 2000, April 2000.
May 16, 2000
[timemachinego, baby!] For some reason Yahoo describe my Grant Morrison Comixography as: A Digital Shaman spell to summon comics author Grant Morrison for a night of complete debauchery. This is totally wrong… but then again who am I to argue with Yahoo? I am a digital shaman! WooHoo!
April 12, 2000
[personal shite] Just thought of a title for a great war comic: VICAR WITH A GUN (IN MONTE CASSINO). [It saddens me to admit that I am thirty years old and still think of stuff like that… What is wrong with me?]
March 25, 2000
I am off to King’s Lynn in Norfolk for the weekend. There are no pay-as-you-surf internet shops in Lynn so the chances of updates this weekend are about the same as something interesting happening at the King’s Literary Festival [Text-only Link].
March 23, 2000
[Personal Shite] Busy, Busy, Busy….